full moon of
October night
present to me
visions right

heat of fire
breath of air
wet in water
Earth to share

dance to sound
rhythms core
alive are they
dead no more

raven spirit
radiant light
fly with me
in dead of night

show me fortune
few can know
tell me tales
for spirit grow

hiding

how many people do we know have something to hide? It seems like everyone I know is hiding something from someone for whatever reason. When does this end? Why do people do this? I dont hide anything anymore. I am what I am. The one thing I used to hide from family I dont hide anymore, we just dont talk about it. Not talking about it is easier because at least I know to avoid it and it actually helps me find common ground.

Lets face it, we all try to hide something once in a while but it is our own shame not the shame others see in us that cause us to do this.

I am an Animist/Heathen, BDSM submissive, I have been to jail, my kids rarely talk to me and you know what? Im ok with it. Some things I wish could be better but hey, life isnt perfect and would be boring if it was.

I do not think anyones life should be perfect and if you are painting a picture of it being perfect you are hiding something. I dont care about it so much as I know its unhealthy to hide behind a picture instead of being yourself. I love people and all their so clled imperfections... lying is the only thing I DONT like.

Bullies

Have you ever wondered about bullies and what makes them tick? I have. I am being bullied online by someone who has never even met me. He has faked his own death only to come back from wherever he was to be worse than ever. I have seen him say horrible things to people and it would seem I am his main target now. I am an unfit mother who lost her kids and everyone hates me according to him. Interesting how he thinks he can hurt me and convince others to hate me because of something he says.

All I see is someone dying for attention. The sad thing is, even in death he wasn't getting it. He has caused so much disgust nobody cares anymore. How do we get to the point of not caring? I see him as a total mental case who is a twisted sadist. He really gets off on the pain and humiliation of others and females seem to be his targets. If he was out in public, he would be arrested. Because he is online he is dismissed.

In my opinion I believe this man was abused and in order to survive he has become the abuser. He has gotten desired results by abusing... he no longer is abused. Interesting case... but a case none the less.

unpopular?

I posted a video of big cats playing with pumpkins on a social site and someone said that we shouldnt be giving pumpkins to the cats, we should be feeding the poor. I dont know about all that. I am a most unpopular person when it comes to charity to people. In a time of war, poverty and many other tragedies I find myself believing in what the bible said to do. Give a man a fish he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime. We need to teach the poor how to live.

I used to be homeless. It wasnt my choice but I had no idea how to live a life that didnt produce poverty. I ended up marrying to get out of my situation and then pulled myself up with work and social networking within the community. In other words I was taught to live a life worth living. I never took food or shelter without paying for it. I never took free money. I worked my ass off for it. In this country people CAN pull themselves up. It is not easy and not instant but it can be done.Believe in yourself and you can do anything.

really?

Its been a bit of a week. Very high highs and very low lows. I feel so out of balance its hard to regain stability. I have a failing business, a thriving education, I am happy and sad all at the same time and it shows. My house is clean but my yard is a mess. Nothing is making any sense. I am missing my spirituality and it is autumn. Autumn is the worst time of year for me. Its homesick time. This year I thought it was going to be really bad but it has morphed into something else. I feel indifferent. This in and of itself is very odd to me. I am not a person to be indifferent about anything. I wanna scream and break through this feeling but I want it to be the right feeling of contentment when Im done.

Then there is the fail/succeed thing happening. I dont know how to handle this either. GOOD GODS what have I done to myself? I cant handle more than one feeling at a time. I shouldnt have tried more than one thing at a time. Im not going to give one up for the other. I just wish I knew how to cope better. Im struggling for sure.

Depressing

I cannot draw. I want to so badly and for some reason I have artist's block. Its like I dont even know how to put a shadow or a simple line to create a darn thing. What is wrong with me? Is it depression or lack of knowledge or what? And Im so tired. sigh

A Quote From Renoir

"I paint with my prick" This is my most favorite quote of any and all of the artist I have ever heard. It is so raw and real. Alright so it is a bit crass, but nobody ever said an artist was good with words. That in and of itself is is why artists create. Because they arent good with words.

What Renoir meant by this is that he paints that which emotionally excites him. In other words he painted what turned him on. If you study his paintings you can feel his passion and sense his dreaminess and feelings about his subjects. To put it his way... I can see his orgasm in his finished work.

I get it. Sex is a basic and knowing instinct by just about every human being alive. To correlate the desire of sex, and how an artist feels about performing his/her art in genius. To be without either is dehumanizing. Many people dont feel that way about their profession but an artist is different. It is another basic need, just like sex.