what is belief?

I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe there’s a God above
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It’s not a cry you can hear at night
It’s not somebody who has seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light in every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah



This is a song. To a believer it is very touching but to someone who is not a believer it is something else.
There is a hint of shame or a pointed finger in the first statement of "you dont really care for music do you?" For me the tone is set with this one statement. Love is a cold and broken hallelujah? Really? Is someone suggesting that I have to be cold and broken before I can love, before I can see love or understand it? This makes me angry beyond words. The church is saying they must break me before I can love. How nice! No wonder I left the church. The very idea of people needing to be broken is nothing more than enslavement. I wish Christians would stop preaching and start living. They are so caught up in their beliefs they dont even know what they are saying anymore.

Hallelujah means "praise YHWH" or praise god. So this song is praising the lord of song? I have heard the Christian god called many things but lord of song is not one of them. In fact Apollo was the Greek god of music and arts. Pan or the horned god was also a god of music and song. Both of these gods were also gods of love. Music and love seem to evoke many of the same feelings.

Love was a feeling of power not of being broken. How could we as a people have come so far as to get it all backwards? What is it going to take to make it right again? How could a religion take that feeling, twist its meaning, tell us we are wrong, cause us to fear, and then teach us how to be broken? How stupid are we to believe them?

For the record: I will not be broken! Many have tried and almost succeeded but in the end have failed. There is no god, no religion, no demon or man who can break me! Only I can allow myself to be broken and I am far to strong to allow that to happen. My spirit lives! It lives well. It lives happy! and for that I say Hallal Valkyris!

full moon of
October night
present to me
visions right

heat of fire
breath of air
wet in water
Earth to share

dance to sound
rhythms core
alive are they
dead no more

raven spirit
radiant light
fly with me
in dead of night

show me fortune
few can know
tell me tales
for spirit grow

hiding

how many people do we know have something to hide? It seems like everyone I know is hiding something from someone for whatever reason. When does this end? Why do people do this? I dont hide anything anymore. I am what I am. The one thing I used to hide from family I dont hide anymore, we just dont talk about it. Not talking about it is easier because at least I know to avoid it and it actually helps me find common ground.

Lets face it, we all try to hide something once in a while but it is our own shame not the shame others see in us that cause us to do this.

I am an Animist/Heathen, BDSM submissive, I have been to jail, my kids rarely talk to me and you know what? Im ok with it. Some things I wish could be better but hey, life isnt perfect and would be boring if it was.

I do not think anyones life should be perfect and if you are painting a picture of it being perfect you are hiding something. I dont care about it so much as I know its unhealthy to hide behind a picture instead of being yourself. I love people and all their so clled imperfections... lying is the only thing I DONT like.

Bullies

Have you ever wondered about bullies and what makes them tick? I have. I am being bullied online by someone who has never even met me. He has faked his own death only to come back from wherever he was to be worse than ever. I have seen him say horrible things to people and it would seem I am his main target now. I am an unfit mother who lost her kids and everyone hates me according to him. Interesting how he thinks he can hurt me and convince others to hate me because of something he says.

All I see is someone dying for attention. The sad thing is, even in death he wasn't getting it. He has caused so much disgust nobody cares anymore. How do we get to the point of not caring? I see him as a total mental case who is a twisted sadist. He really gets off on the pain and humiliation of others and females seem to be his targets. If he was out in public, he would be arrested. Because he is online he is dismissed.

In my opinion I believe this man was abused and in order to survive he has become the abuser. He has gotten desired results by abusing... he no longer is abused. Interesting case... but a case none the less.

unpopular?

I posted a video of big cats playing with pumpkins on a social site and someone said that we shouldnt be giving pumpkins to the cats, we should be feeding the poor. I dont know about all that. I am a most unpopular person when it comes to charity to people. In a time of war, poverty and many other tragedies I find myself believing in what the bible said to do. Give a man a fish he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime. We need to teach the poor how to live.

I used to be homeless. It wasnt my choice but I had no idea how to live a life that didnt produce poverty. I ended up marrying to get out of my situation and then pulled myself up with work and social networking within the community. In other words I was taught to live a life worth living. I never took food or shelter without paying for it. I never took free money. I worked my ass off for it. In this country people CAN pull themselves up. It is not easy and not instant but it can be done.Believe in yourself and you can do anything.

really?

Its been a bit of a week. Very high highs and very low lows. I feel so out of balance its hard to regain stability. I have a failing business, a thriving education, I am happy and sad all at the same time and it shows. My house is clean but my yard is a mess. Nothing is making any sense. I am missing my spirituality and it is autumn. Autumn is the worst time of year for me. Its homesick time. This year I thought it was going to be really bad but it has morphed into something else. I feel indifferent. This in and of itself is very odd to me. I am not a person to be indifferent about anything. I wanna scream and break through this feeling but I want it to be the right feeling of contentment when Im done.

Then there is the fail/succeed thing happening. I dont know how to handle this either. GOOD GODS what have I done to myself? I cant handle more than one feeling at a time. I shouldnt have tried more than one thing at a time. Im not going to give one up for the other. I just wish I knew how to cope better. Im struggling for sure.

Depressing

I cannot draw. I want to so badly and for some reason I have artist's block. Its like I dont even know how to put a shadow or a simple line to create a darn thing. What is wrong with me? Is it depression or lack of knowledge or what? And Im so tired. sigh