strange happenings

I woke up this morning as I normally do. I climb out of bed, get dressed, let the dogs out, then go to the kitchen to feed the dogs their breakfast. Routine normal. then I turn on the TV to catch the weather and morning news and go back to the kitchen to make my coffee. here is where it gets a little weird. The routine for making the coffee is done the exact same way every morning. 1. grab coffee pot 2. rinse pot and fill with water 3. place pot back on the burner 4. empty filter container 5. get new filter 6. fresh grounds 7. put fresh grounds and filter in place 8. turn on maker pretty simple right? Well I went to get the filters and they were gone. I looked everywhere for them. I figured maybe my husband took the short stack to work because he was running low. So I went into the cabinet and got another short stack. I turn back around and BEHOLD! there was the filters sitting in front of the coffee pot. I thought to myself "ok, I must be tired and over looked them." After all people always miss the things right in front of their noses. So then after the coffee is done, I grab a cup and go to sit down. Just as I sit the living room light flickered out. It took me aback because it didnt just "go" out. It literally flickered out. I thought for a moment about the mornings events and said out loud, "Turn it back on! that is rude!" It came back on for about a minute and went out again. I dont know what to say at this point. I dont want to be one of those people who just have a normal relationship with people who arent there but it would seem that is what is happening. I am not ready for a rubber room with pink walls. I went through my pink stage in the 80s Victorian decor.

New Meanings to an Old Symbol

I have been using a symbol for over a year now as my artistic signature. It is the first letter of my given name, the 1st letter of my nic name and wings for my spirit name. The combination is lovely I must say. Without the wings the symbol seemed so familiar. It was driving me nuts. I mean REALLY NUTS! I was looking online like a mad woman trying to find something like it. One day a month ago or so I found it. It was on a Voodoo web page. As I was reading, I was lead to believe it was about the priesthood. That didn't make any sense to me. Why would I be "knowing" of that? Fast forward to last weekend at Springfest 2012. I got the chance to ask the djembe drummer what the symbol was. Low and behold! it is a symbol of "gateway" for the spirits to find me, help me, bless me, be with me and always know where I am. BINGO! Thats why it came to me! I am so honored that they want to help and guide me. I must be doing something right to be able to commune with them so freely.

Gearing Up

Next weekend I will be attending the annual Springfest Camp and gathering. I am excited to commune with like minded people. I will spend this week packing and preparing for my visit.

Another Step

So many have said I help them, I guide them, I lift them, I teach them, and even help keep them on track. Im not sure how and I thank all of them for their compliments. I can assure you all that it is merely opinion and life experience talking not formal training.
I have been struggling and floundering about, thinking that I wasnt ready for what is about to take place. I seems now that it is the only logical next step. In order for me to move forward I have accepted the idea that I could and probably should start my own ministry. This is a very large undertaking and I know I have much to do. There is much to learn in and about ministry and more to learn about counseling. I have yet to even come up with a name for my ministry so bare with me as I muttle my way through this.

So there you have it....

hope

I feel like this rose. Old, passed it's prime but still looks and smells like a rose. Its best time is over but its not dead. to me this is beautiful and worth painting.

realization

I have suddenly and quite abruptly come to understand where my depression is coming from. In a years and a half's time I lost my mother, my husband, my home, my best friend, and then my children. How does one recover from that? Can someone recover from it? If it had all happened at once in a freak accident I might be able to grasp it better.

They say the most stressful things to live through is a death, a divorce, loss of friendship, illness, and poverty. in 18 months time I had all of them. I am still not over it. Sometimes I feel like Im in the acceptance stage and then I get sad and angry again. I wish I could explain to people what this feels like. I have surrounded myself with other people who are just as damaged. I dont know if that is a good thing or not

Meditation helps me stay calm but it doesnt help the damaged part of me. hmmmmmm

fed up from the floor up

I am tired. I am sick and tired. I do not wish to deal with it anymore. Im over it.

I have reached the stage where I am just wanting to be numb. I am tired of dealing with stupid animals doing stupid things. Stupid people doing stupid things and me always having to deal with it personally. I am OVER IT. I cant fix stupid! If the dog dies from being stupid then so be it. If a person dies from being stupid then so be it. the Darwin award tonight goes to the little smart dog who insists on making herself sick by eating lizards and toads and cockroaches. If she wants to dehydrate her self by puking then so be it. I am over the antics. If you are in an abusive relationship stop making excuses for the abuser. Stop being stupid by thinking its worth keeping the relationship alive because of "the good times". In the future there will be no good times it will all be bad and you will end up being miserable. I know I have lived almost 50 years. I know I can be cranky... but dammit if you are so damn smart learn from the mistakes of others and save yourself AND ME the trouble!