Responsibility

Today I read in the paper about a little girl who was three years old. She was a beautiful and curious child. During the Independence Day celebrations for her neighborhood block party, a large group of motorcycles ran the streets speeding around without thought and care in the world. The little girl stuck her head out between two cars to see where the noise was coming from and one of the bikes struck her so hard she went flying "like a helicopter" across the street and landed dead on the ground. The biker who hit her did not stop but the other bikers did. After a vigil took place for this little girl the biker turned himself in. He is all of twenty two years old.

The comments in the paper accused the mother of child of neglect. No child that young should be near a street without an adult. They accused the young man of cowardliness. He ran away.
Though I agree with both statements, I also have to think about how things like this happen. It was a block party. Everyone was there. Kids everywhere, adults gathered round. It was a day of relaxation.

The young man was speeding. He should be charged with reckless endangerment and many other things. How many of you know of young men who do things like that? What about the other young men he was with? Shouldn't they be charged too? I am sure the reason he took off was to save his own neck. I'm sure the people who were there would have killed him if he had stuck around. That, and pure guilt. Young people who have not matured, will run out of guilt. Nobody likes to feel that way, and his was the big one. He killed an innocent child. I cant imagine how panicked he was. I'm sure he was terrified.

Being from a neighborhood, I can see how something like this could happen. Being a mother of young adults I can see how this could happen. It just goes to show, you might be old enough by law but are you old enough in reality. Moms normally are very strict about where their children roam and who watches them. Young men shouldn't have a license if they tend to be reckless. Blame is always sought when tragedy happens. The fact is, it was an accident caused by two people being careless. If one of them, just one, had not been "as careless" this wouldn't have happened. Everyone knows you do not walk near painters on a ladder. Motorcycles shouldn't be speeding in neighborhoods, and children shouldn't be near the street.

I would like to say that I feel bad for everyone who was there and for all the people involved. What a horrible thing to have had happen. Bless the little girl whose name is Asia. Her Picture will be burned in my head for years to come. I have grand daughters her age and hope that they will be safe. I know in my heart of hearts that no child is safe "all" the time, Just like no adult is responsible all the time. We are human, and we all pay the price for it.

I will sit crying for this child and the people who will be forever affected by her birth, life, and death. this is so sad.

Perspective Then and Now

Did you ever notice that people who complain about things other people do, often do the exact same thing and don't realize it? Did you ever notice someone complaining about another person complaining? Kind of funny isn't it? I used to get irritated and sometimes down right angry at the irony that I see everyday. Now it makes me laugh. Sometimes I'm told that I just don't understand, and that makes me laugh even louder.

I was talking to a very dear friend of mine this week about all the stupid drama in her life. Drama about kids, court, health, her friends, her family and on and on she went. She was complaining about how complicated her life was because she felt the responsibility to straighten out everyone's problems. By doing this she has created her own problems. She has neglected herself to the point her life is miserable.

I have talked to her about her constant involvement with other peoples lives to no avail. I have told her about how it would affect her health, to no avail. She has now come to me with issues that nobody can do anything about because things have gotten way out of control. I wanted to cry for her but instead I laughed. She didn't understand how much I really understood her difficulty. Then I told her to stop, just stop. Stop asking me to fix something she did and will continue to do because she WANTS to do it. Stop complaining. Stop being stressed if it is something she wants to do. If she doesn't want the problems that go with it STOP DOING IT. Then I told her I was gonna kick her ass for letting it get this far. Then she laughed. She laughed at herself, not at me. She knew I was right, but then went to have lunch with a troubled friend with more issues than a full blown psychiatrist can shake a stick at.

When I hung up the phone I roared. I mean really...how? huh? HA HA HA HA OMG and WTF!

They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. I don't know about that but it sure is funny to watch. I have grown so much in the past five years or so, that it is hard to see people in the same light as I used to. I cherish my friend because her soul deeply cares for people. I also cherish her because she makes me laugh. I cannot worry about her because this is how she wants to be.

Celebrate life!

Legal Marriages

Let me start by saying this is a word game

wedding: a religious event in the joining of two people
marriage: a legal and binding contract between two people
legal: binding by government law
moral: a standard of living set by beliefs or social group


People have forgotten what it means to be "wed". A Wedding is a religious event not legally binding. It is a moral commitment. This is where personal and religious beliefs come into a union of two people. The government should not have given the religious leaders the right to legalize a wedding. A legal marriage is a contract of law not religion. Because of the allowance of religious leaders to create a legal contract and do business with the courts, religious people think marriage is a religious "and" legal contract when in fact it is a separate issue. Making this statement heard in a court of law would legally allow any two people to bind together in contract a joint partnership called marriage. Anything less would be unconstitutional.

The religious leaders have a right to be confused over their part in saying what is and isn't marriage in the United States. Because someone many years ago gave them the right to say who can and cannot be married instead of keeping religion separate from state. What needs to be done is revoke religious legal marriages. If the church wants to recognize a union then let them do so on their own grounds in their own way and leave the law out of it. There is no reason why this wouldn't work. To be a part of the church you must abide by their rules. There is nothing wrong with saying that. I happen to agree with it.

I was morally bound to my husband with my religion two months before I was legally bound to him. The moral ceremony was far more important to me than any legal contract. Having the separate dates put into perspective how important it is to keep church opinions out of legal matters. I never understood the difference until that day happened. I was just like most of the Americans thinking religious leaders are where people went to be legally married. The justice of the peace was where people went when they didn't have religion and had no other option. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Legal contracts have specific meanings. Most important are health and financial commitments. The church has moral clauses about those topics but when the state says "make it legal" you are bound by law when you commit to the contract.

In any case, I am for any legal commitment contract signed by two people who wish to be responsible to and for each other. We would be foolish as a nation to not allow this to happen. After all isn't this what we raise our children to do? Be responsible? That being said I believe religion has the right to set their own standards away from "law" to allow their followers to abide by.

The Power of Guilt

My horoscope said I wasn't supposed to talk about my past today unless I am willing to take it all the way to the finish. I think whoever reads this can talk to me about anything and openly. I don't bite and I wont run anymore. So here goes.

Have you ever been guilted into doing something or done something strictly out of guilt? Have you ever found it to have a good outcome? I don't think I have ever had things I do out of guilt to ever have a good outcome. My feelings get in the way and I start to resent or question my motives and gosh what a mess things become.

My upbringing was nothing but guilt. It never reared its ugly head like it did on TV shows, but it was there.

"Love is: never having to ask someone to take out the garbage." So if you walk into the kitchen and find the can overflowing and it is your job to take out the trash, you missed an opportunity to express love by having the trash can full. Hows that for guilt? Pretty powerful huh? That's how I grew up. Love meant you had to "do" something for someone and if it didn't get done you didn't love that person. Dishes, dusting, mowing the lawn, feeding the dogs, cleaning out the cat box were all expressions of love.
I believe that my mother got love and support/care confused. She assumed that if someone didn't feed their child they didn't love them. What if the parent of a child, because of lack of money, couldn't afford to feed their child? In my mothers eyes it was lack of love. "If a parent loves a child then they wont have the child until they are able to care for it properly. If a parent has a child and cannot care for it and wont find a way to care for it then the parent does not love the child." This thinking is pure guilt. None of my children were planned and, without someone to support me, I had no way to support them. I didn't know how to support myself or my children. It does not mean I don't love them.

My family is riddled with guilt. It is so sad to see. There are to many "I'm sorry" statements and not enough "I love you" statements. Why should we be sorry? We are who we are and we should accept things for the way things are and go from here. There is no "making up for lost time". There is no "do over". We have one life and why do something out of or because of guilt?

Guilt is of the past. Love and joy are in the present. If you see someone with love you will see them for who they are and not what they could or should have been, or even what they could be. Love is in the now.

I would like to say:

Derick, Devin, Dalton, Brian, Kathleen, Tim, Aunt Millie, Greg, Melinda, Beth, Leslie, Aunt Kathy, Linda, Bill, Sara, Tori, Ava, Colin, Braden and Alec (who isn't even born yet) and all the cousins I haven't got a chance to meet or know very well.....

Life is kind of funny. It can be so fragile and short. We never seem to take the time to live in the now. Its always is about "We should have... Remember when... It's a shame that...Someday if...Maybe when..." Today I am throwing all those feelings away. I love my family for who you are, how you are, why you are, today. It doesn't matter if you talk to me or not. I love you, each and every one of you, without guilt, without regret, without a possible future....but today.

look ma no glasses

After 47 years of not knowing what the world looks like in single vision. After 47 years of not having any depth perception I now can see distance. I can see. I see because of the care and concern and understanding of a doctor who knew how bad my eyes were. I have stitches in my eyes. My eyes are blood red and watering. But I can see. The world is a new and interesting place. In 2 days I embark on a new life. A life of sight. Art has been but a mere dream until now. I have new eyes and now a new life in a world of shadow and light as well as color. The wonder of the world that most dont have is now mine for the taking.

new guide?

For the past month I have been inundated with spiders. They seem to be everywhere. I didn't think a thing of it until I went to Florida to visit my brother. My visit was a two fold visit. I needed to see him to reunite as a family, but I also needed to find out more about a business. With the extra time away from the business, we went on a nature walk. I was told to expect to see birds, butterflies, lizards, crabs and spiders. What was so impressive was not just the amount of spiders but the massive size of them. As if they were screaming at me. Anyway, the visit went very well and I didn't want it to end. I came home when the weekend was over and got back into my routine. Sitting in the living room spending time on the laptop as I do daily, more spiders started crawling all over me. I have never been bitten. Doug made mention I might have a new guide. With that notion I looked it up.

Spider totem speaks of weaving the knowledge of the past to the possibilities of the future. Spider also reminds us that we don't have to be tied to what people think of us but to be open for new experiences to become whole.

I don't know about you but the uncanny timing of all these spiders is remarkable. I see myself as an artist/spiritualist. I dress as expected, in long flowing easy clothing reminiscent of the hippies of the sixties. I think of myself as most would think of me, kind of trippy and not always intelligent when it comes to things like math. During the business meetings I found myself grasping things that most (including me) would think I would struggle with. I went shopping in the elite shopping spots and loved it, which is also against what I am supposed to "stand for". I have a love for nature and a love for urban living. It would seem I am being shown that this is supposed to happen for me. I don't have to fit into a perfect box set out for the hippie artist. I have so many things I love and put aside because it is not "expected" of me. I still don't like diamonds. And roses just to have them in a vase is a waste, but I do love the Gothic youth, heavy make up, dyed black hair, short skirts and torn up T-shirts. I do love the flowing dresses and big bulky semi precious stone jewelry too. These things are just my personality trying to get out and make itself known. They represent the very essence of me. I am extreme in my tastes and don't much care for anything that makes a bland statement. THAT is who I am, not hippie, not goth, not simpleton, not occultist. I am a tarty smarty who is learning to stand loud and proud. I am orange not beige, I am the red door on a log home.

I smell a shift coming and I'm sure some people from my past are not going to like it. I am growing, I have to grow, I cannot stand stagnant and let life pass me by. People tend not to like the unfamiliar. When I notice something needs to change I don't do it slowly for others to keep up. I do it quickly for me because I don't like spending time in a rut if I know the rut is there. Spider has reminded me that what people have thought of me in the past is not who I am and to stop allowing a memory to dictate who I will become. I can be an artist/business person with a mind of my own willing to adapt to the thoughts of the future and still stay true to my spiritual practice. I doubt it is going to be easy, but what is good that ever came easy?

Springfest 2011

Wow what a time I had. my heart was warmed by Beth Patterson and Selena Fox. The energy combined couldnt have been better paired.

Dancing the May Pole to bring in the warmth of spring and burning of the boogie to say goodbye to winter was a thrill.

I learned a lot in my visit and I am excited to consider the idea of starting my own tradition. I was told I need to do that. There will be more posts in the future. Between starting school in a couple of weeks and now this. I am going to be very busy. I am so energized for it all, thanks to the folks and teachings out at the nest!