I have been walking a few of the cemeteries here in town and have had some very interesting experiences. It would seem that someone in the St Louis Cemetery #1 doesnt like vertical pictures taken. My camera malfunctioned. My wish was redirected and granted just as soon as I made it. I cannot be thankful enough for such a quick answer. Holt cemetery has touched me in a way I wasnt sure I could be touched. There is something deeply disturbing and thought provoking there. Corvid came and gave me what I was looking for there. The Metairie cemetery felt cold and yet still mysterious.
I wont go into my personal experiences in depth because I am still sorting them out and I may have been touched in a way that shouldnt be spoken of.
I can say this, I have been deeply moved by what I have seen and felt. I have had a euphoric feeling that wont stop, and Im not sure I want it to. The next step on my path is both a cautious one and final. I have to build the courage to do it.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
pressing onward
I went to a book signing tonight and was pleasantly surprised at the content. I believe I know the next step I should take on my spiritual path. Its something I really have always wanted to do but never trusted the light hearted folks to guide me on this path. I am by no means a light heart or even light in spirit. I choose to do and be what my mind and sound reasoning thinks is best. So, I am going down a path that is not for everyone. I will post results of my practice as it continues. Yay my spiritual size is BACK!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Since When?
Since when does a person get to old to be sexual? I was slammed today for being over 40 and bi, hittin on other women. Good gods I might not be able to snag me a lil hotti but damn people Im not dead! If shes gonna put it out there Im going to look! Who in the hell paved the road for all you young folks to be so open with your sexuality in the first place? When I was in school I couldnt say a word about being what and who I am because I would have been locked away in some mental ward somewhere. To all you lil chicas out there just kissin on girls and being silly and free.... ROCK ON but dont go tellin me I aint got no right to get all hot and bothered over it. I lived through hell just to be able to say I like girls let alone be able to kiss one. And to all you Boys out there hatin on me because I can talk to the girls and you cant..... Grow some balls be who you are and stop hatin on people who have more balls than you do. Take a page from my book and learn somthin ya stupid punk! Oh and when you do? Ill be glad to stop hatin on you!
Now that I have ranted for the day.... time for another cup of coffee..... HMMMPH!
Now that I have ranted for the day.... time for another cup of coffee..... HMMMPH!
Friday, November 4, 2011
drama
Is having drama in your life blocking you from happiness? Maybe the next question should be, Are you causing drama because you dont know how to achieve happiness? Did you know your drama affects everyone else by blocking their happiness?
These are all questions that people need to ask themselves and of others. If you or someone you know is creating a scene to affect the people around them its called drama. Do you live in drama? Why?
There is the real question. Why do people create drama? It is attention seeking behavior. It is also manipulative behavior. These people tend to drag everyone into their mess hoping to create a smoke screen to hide what is really going on. In other words they are liars. They may not realize that this is what they are doing because the attention is more important than anything else. These people cannot be trusted and need professional help.
I have a person like this in my life. She is not the first soap opera creator and Im more than confidant she wont be the last. However, She is giving me no choice but to take action against her. There are many people she has involved and some are innocent. I dont know exactly what to do because any action at all drags me into the soap opera. Normally I would just ignore everything and cause her to go away. This time I have no choice.
These are all questions that people need to ask themselves and of others. If you or someone you know is creating a scene to affect the people around them its called drama. Do you live in drama? Why?
There is the real question. Why do people create drama? It is attention seeking behavior. It is also manipulative behavior. These people tend to drag everyone into their mess hoping to create a smoke screen to hide what is really going on. In other words they are liars. They may not realize that this is what they are doing because the attention is more important than anything else. These people cannot be trusted and need professional help.
I have a person like this in my life. She is not the first soap opera creator and Im more than confidant she wont be the last. However, She is giving me no choice but to take action against her. There are many people she has involved and some are innocent. I dont know exactly what to do because any action at all drags me into the soap opera. Normally I would just ignore everything and cause her to go away. This time I have no choice.
Friday, October 21, 2011
what acceptance means
What is it with people who know you on a personal level and want to improve you in some way? Do you know who Im talking about? Its mom, dad, brother, sister, aunt, uncle or even the grandparents. Yep its family. The very people who always want better for you and are constantly trying to improve how you do something or tell you how wrong you are for doing what you are doing.
I know that family means well but its family that makes us go out looking for something better. This is why we have friends and spouses. Our friends are supposed to counter balance the ever ongoing lack of acceptance from our family.
Look, I know family will always mean well, but they never really accept us for who we really are. They accept us for who we might become. They accept our potential and what they themselves see in us. They accept us as they want see us. God love their short sighted all loving hearts.
Friends are so much more important than anyone will ever know. Friends say I love you just as you are today. They dont say you need to change, or remember when you did this and how dumb you used to be. They dont say look how far you have come. They dont even say wow you could really make something of yourself if only you... (fill in the blank here). What friends do is tell you you are important to them today and they love you for who you are today. They dont care about anything else other than TODAY.
The problem is when family members outweigh the friends in our lives? So many people lack real friends. Family becomes to overbearing and then we become solitude. We feel like there is nothing but failure because there is no acceptance for who we are today.
So when family gets to be to much.... go out and have a drink with your friends. Listen to them and see what they have to say about you. you will find new life in that dead horse your family has been kicking.
I know that family means well but its family that makes us go out looking for something better. This is why we have friends and spouses. Our friends are supposed to counter balance the ever ongoing lack of acceptance from our family.
Look, I know family will always mean well, but they never really accept us for who we really are. They accept us for who we might become. They accept our potential and what they themselves see in us. They accept us as they want see us. God love their short sighted all loving hearts.
Friends are so much more important than anyone will ever know. Friends say I love you just as you are today. They dont say you need to change, or remember when you did this and how dumb you used to be. They dont say look how far you have come. They dont even say wow you could really make something of yourself if only you... (fill in the blank here). What friends do is tell you you are important to them today and they love you for who you are today. They dont care about anything else other than TODAY.
The problem is when family members outweigh the friends in our lives? So many people lack real friends. Family becomes to overbearing and then we become solitude. We feel like there is nothing but failure because there is no acceptance for who we are today.
So when family gets to be to much.... go out and have a drink with your friends. Listen to them and see what they have to say about you. you will find new life in that dead horse your family has been kicking.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
what is belief?
I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
There was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Maybe there’s a God above
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It’s not a cry you can hear at night
It’s not somebody who has seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light in every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
This is a song. To a believer it is very touching but to someone who is not a believer it is something else.
There is a hint of shame or a pointed finger in the first statement of "you dont really care for music do you?" For me the tone is set with this one statement. Love is a cold and broken hallelujah? Really? Is someone suggesting that I have to be cold and broken before I can love, before I can see love or understand it? This makes me angry beyond words. The church is saying they must break me before I can love. How nice! No wonder I left the church. The very idea of people needing to be broken is nothing more than enslavement. I wish Christians would stop preaching and start living. They are so caught up in their beliefs they dont even know what they are saying anymore.
Hallelujah means "praise YHWH" or praise god. So this song is praising the lord of song? I have heard the Christian god called many things but lord of song is not one of them. In fact Apollo was the Greek god of music and arts. Pan or the horned god was also a god of music and song. Both of these gods were also gods of love. Music and love seem to evoke many of the same feelings.
Love was a feeling of power not of being broken. How could we as a people have come so far as to get it all backwards? What is it going to take to make it right again? How could a religion take that feeling, twist its meaning, tell us we are wrong, cause us to fear, and then teach us how to be broken? How stupid are we to believe them?
For the record: I will not be broken! Many have tried and almost succeeded but in the end have failed. There is no god, no religion, no demon or man who can break me! Only I can allow myself to be broken and I am far to strong to allow that to happen. My spirit lives! It lives well. It lives happy! and for that I say Hallal Valkyris!
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
There was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Maybe there’s a God above
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It’s not a cry you can hear at night
It’s not somebody who has seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light in every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
This is a song. To a believer it is very touching but to someone who is not a believer it is something else.
There is a hint of shame or a pointed finger in the first statement of "you dont really care for music do you?" For me the tone is set with this one statement. Love is a cold and broken hallelujah? Really? Is someone suggesting that I have to be cold and broken before I can love, before I can see love or understand it? This makes me angry beyond words. The church is saying they must break me before I can love. How nice! No wonder I left the church. The very idea of people needing to be broken is nothing more than enslavement. I wish Christians would stop preaching and start living. They are so caught up in their beliefs they dont even know what they are saying anymore.
Hallelujah means "praise YHWH" or praise god. So this song is praising the lord of song? I have heard the Christian god called many things but lord of song is not one of them. In fact Apollo was the Greek god of music and arts. Pan or the horned god was also a god of music and song. Both of these gods were also gods of love. Music and love seem to evoke many of the same feelings.
Love was a feeling of power not of being broken. How could we as a people have come so far as to get it all backwards? What is it going to take to make it right again? How could a religion take that feeling, twist its meaning, tell us we are wrong, cause us to fear, and then teach us how to be broken? How stupid are we to believe them?
For the record: I will not be broken! Many have tried and almost succeeded but in the end have failed. There is no god, no religion, no demon or man who can break me! Only I can allow myself to be broken and I am far to strong to allow that to happen. My spirit lives! It lives well. It lives happy! and for that I say Hallal Valkyris!
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