Terrorism has hit home

It has been a long long time since I have written anything. I have been so busy helping my brother getting his new home ready to move into. Today is a day of sadness. We mourn the loss of 2 of our officers and friends who were ambushed and killed. Im sitting here thinking what would cause this. Yes this was an act of terrorism. A young man from the plains got his head all twisted up into thinking that anyone who opposed his thinking would be dealt with and any cop he sees will be killed on sight. He made what is considered to be terrorism threats to police in Kansas after being in a bar in Nebraska. From there he went to Shreveport Louisiana and met up with the Smith family and began to stock pile guns. The authorities had set up a surveillance team in the trailer court to keep an eye on them. Its not clear if they robbed the laundromat or if someone else did but the sign of police in their trailer court caused the smith family and this terrorist to move to my semi-sleepy little town. We have had our share of trouble here. After all we are close to New Orleans. This has taken everyone by our ears and shaken us to the core of our beings. This wasnt drugs or someone on a rampage from a domestic problem. This was calculated murder of police officers. They engaged gunfire on unsuspecting traffic cops directing traffic. They knew the officers would be there, they are there every morning and afternoon for shift change at the plant. What they didnt know is that our officers and civilians alike dont put up with law breakers. A civilian was key in helping to locate the car after it sped away. Two officers died during the ambush while trying to make an arrest of unarmed suspects. The two officers who were originally fired on will survive. Louisiana doesnt play. We WILL shoot you if you cross a line. We will defend our property and we will make sure that justice is served. We have the long arm of the law and we have long memories. We will mourn our dead for generations and we will never forget. You can bet that these terrorists will not only get the death penalty, they will be haunted by every family member, dead and alive, affected by these tragic deaths. You ran for a year Kyle Joekel, you got your wish, you killed a couple of cops. May you know the kind of pain you caused and may Louisiana take no mercy on your life or soul. ...and to the Smith family, I have no words for a resident that would kill the people who protected you. You are scum. You know whats coming to you. You provided the guns to a terrorist. You should be tried and hung for treason and then spat on after death. In writing this blog I can see my sorrow turning to anger. Anger that doesnt do a thing to help the six children who had fathers two days ago and dont now. In these tough times I sure hope we can help the widows with thier up and coming struggles. ....I must try to remain focused.... To all you Savage Nation, Rush Limbaugh types... is this what you wanted? Children without fathers? Wives without husbands? you talk and talk and talk about anarchy and govt take over but you dont think about the people. you are creating extremists which is causing the govt to crack down even harder.

oh that feeling....

Have you ever had that feeling if needing to cry but cant? Or knowing that there is something worth crying over but dont know what it is? I dont even know if this feeling is real, if it belongs to me, or belongs to a spirit who is trying to communicate with me or through me. All I know is that I cant seem to shake this thing off. I am stressed over many things this week and was put through a very traumatic experience. It is over and done with so I should be better from it. I am so aggravated and sad. I hope my feelings are simply anxiety and not anything forthcoming.

ramble of the day

Today I was having a conversation with a friend known to be a bit of a hot head. It seems everything that he doesnt agree with upsets him to some degree. He tries so hard to be open minded but there are some places he just cant go. I love this man like I love my brother. He has trouble accepting that someone might say something bad or what might be perceived as bad and it aggravates him no end. I find that yes it is aggravating. Is it that this person (insulting) thinks so little of someone else they have to voice it? Is it that we anger over this because it is in some way true? Can someone really see this in a person and is just being honest? In that case who should we be angry at? I personally think that people put labels on others because they have to compartmentalize personalities as their own lives have been experienced. Someone might call me a bitch and fat old hag because they are used to having sweet young pretty submissive complacent women around them. either that or I remind them of someone they have already had a bad experience with. It has to reflection on me and my life what so ever. I was the same person a minute before the statement was made. It will however allow me to see them in a new light. I dont have to like what they say but what they say is just a window into their lives. It is not an easy concept. We have all had our feelings hurt by words. But I believe we need to see why it is we are upset. I cannot change what people see in me. I cannot change why they see it. I can only hope that in the end my heart will show them that perhaps they have put me in the wrong category. As for my dear sweet brother from another mother, he knows I adore him...even when he gets pissy.

Put between a rock and a hard place

This has been an unbelievable time for me. I am reeling from a predicament I was thrust into. It all started off innocently enough. A laugh here and hug there. Just as with all my friends husbands I expected the utmost honor. I was wrong. A friends husband contacted me for much much more than advice and a joke. I was put into a place where I had to tell my friend her husband is a cheat. This is not the first time this has happened to me. Men think I am cool and will "go there" just because I am open an honest about who and what I am. What they dont realize is that above all, I am honest. I have been a wife who trusted her husband who was a cheat. I have been lied to. I know what it feels like and why the wife needs to know when her husband is risking her life buy screwing around on her. I was petrified for her, for our friendship, for the group of friends I know her through, her family, and just about everything she and I have anything to do with including my reputation. I was sick for days trying to decide if I had misunderstood what went down. I re-read the conversation between us. There was no misunderstanding it. Then I thought ok maybe he was just living out a fantasy by talking to me that way. So I let it slide. I let it slide until the next time we went out and he was all over every woman but his wife. It made me sick. I knew then, what I had to do. I dont know why people do things like this. The whole thing was so insane, selfish, and hurtful. I hate what he did to her. I hate what he did to me. I hate what he did to our friendship and the friendship of the girls. I despise what he has done to his family. He reminds me so much of my ex husband. So sweet, funny, and understanding. The only thing he really understands is his sex drive, everything else is a lie. Its so sad, and infuriating. I have been crying all week.

coping

This past week I have been coping with some very chaotic energy. Someone I know close to me suffers from terrible depression. When I tried to deflect it she withdrew like an evil spirit crawling under a rock but the rock was her mind and heart. Then another friend sprawled anger during a weak moment I was having, and I blew up. I am human and I am not all powerful. I recognized it for what it was and it was coming at me from all sides. Thoughts of death that weren't mine entering my brain like flood waters creeping between the floor and walls of an old home. My foundation was firm but I thought the walls would crumble. I am coping as best I can. I wonder what I am doing to cause such an upheaval that would cause total destruction. Could it be my head washing on Saturday? The very idea I am talking common sense to someone who needs it? I must be doing something right in order to have pissed off something so ugly. But I cope. I dont know if I am equipped to handle this. I need help and I dont know who to ask.

Telling the Truth

When asked to do a tarot reading I have a little ritual I do. First I clear my mind of all the days events and fill my mind with the person who has asked me to do the reading. Then I stand in front of my tarot collection and let the decks speak to me. One deck always jumps out stronger than others for whatever reason. Today was different. Someone very dear to me asked me to do a reading for her because she said her house feels "off". I clear my mind, then concentrate on her, the stand to pick out a deck. I stood for a very long time. No deck jumped out at me. so I asked the powers that be, what gives? Then I got the answer. Two decks. I have never had to read two readings for the same person at the same time. I was so confused. I grabbed my altar cloth and did as was asked of me. I shuffled and cut the first deck, wrote down the reading and paused before I shuffled the second deck. The second reading was better defined than the first but said the same thing. Then came the hard part. Telling my dear loved one the truth of the readings. I have never had to read off something so hard in all my days. Giving someone bad news, stern warnings, and hard to hear facts difficult at best. I love this young lady with every ounce of my being and hurting her is the last thing I wanted to do. I wonder who has it hardest in times like these. but I digress. For her own sound mind I knew I had to tell her. I knew it was going to be hard for her to hear. and I knew nobody was going to like it. I can only hope that the warnings were heard as well as the love in my voice when I was trying to calm the tears. People rarely think about the consequences when they first learn to read tarot or perform divination. Nobody thinks that anything awful might happen. It does happen and you have to be prepared to speak the truth and speak it wisely. I have now had tears of joy, tears of sorrow, laughing, jumping, out and out anger, and other types of what I would call extreme emotions shown during a reading. Once I did a reading that scared me out of my mind. Its funny the things you can find out about people. Things you never want to know. However, the truth must be told and learning to do that in a way that you wont be shut out, wont be fought with about it, and accepted takes tact and a bit of knowledge in reading personalities. We cant get it right 100% of the time but we should at least try. In the end it can only do good. After all it is what the seeker seeks.

Excuse Me...

I have to say this. I wish not to offend even though I know I will. Some things just need to be said. I have a pretty extensive library on the occult, witchcraft, and pagan beliefs. I hide this library when guests enter my home. I also break down any and all altars that some folks may not understand or take offense to. The work that goes into having guests in my home is extensive. I love having friends and family to my home. I always have. I love to cook for people and entertain. That being said I tire myself out for at least a week before anyone gets here so I wont offend anyone. I think its time I just say enough. I dont hide what and who I am. My home should reflect that. If someone comes to my house and is offended, maybe they misunderstand who and what I am and what it is I do. I will post it here so I can clearly and concisely state the facts for future reference. What I do is much like a doctor except that I work in the spirit realms. A doctor can be good and heal or bad and harm. Medicine is the name of his/her practice. Medicine itself is not good or bad it just is. Its the doctor that practices that counts. Magic is the same way. What I do is study and practice magic. I am good at it. The books I have are for study. I learn different types of magic to know how to deal with it. Voodoo/Hoodoo is different than Norse. Norse is different from Hellenic which is different from Golden Dawn which is different from Cornish and Romany. To help people cursed by different beliefs, I must know the beliefs they are cursed with. That means I have to study them all. I guess in the magic world I would be the general practitioner. I have cursed a couple of people in my day but not to harm. More like a lesson to be learned.