The Undeniable Truth

It is Monday Dec.17th 2012. Last Friday some manic 20 year old shot his mother then went to an elementary school and killed 25 more people including 20 children ages 6 and 7.

There has been much debate over gun control laws, mental health availability and security in schools.

I believe that there aren't enough mental health hospitals and beds available. That being said I will stand by my feelings on this.

I am a mother of an adult child who is troubled. I have tried to "make" him seek out help. Because he refused, there is nothing I can do. But I wont make excuses for him. He is in and out of trouble, drugs, depression, and friends who break the law. It took a lot for me to open my eyes and stop making excuses for him. He is what some might call a high functioning mental case. ADHD, dyslexia, depression, and signs of autism. He has always been anti social and never was a talker. He has ALWAYS had a fascination for guns and the military even as a toddler. When he got in trouble at home he would just "check out" and not respond to punishment or words of wisdom. He acted like his actions were all important and my opinion didn't matter.

After 2 guns turned up missing from my home and, he refused to get a job and pay child support for his daughter, I then realized this is NOT a person who has the capacity to care the way he should.

It broke my heart to face the truth about my kid. I gave birth to a possible nut case. He belongs in jail for drugs and stealing and before he snaps or something. Sure, he is calm and loving and peaceful most of the time, but then there are the times when he just cant be reached. Not violent, just unfeeling. THOSE ARE DANGER SIGNS!

I cant help but think about the mother of the young man who committed the murders of 20 children. The mother who never wanted to admit violence as a possibility. She was a teacher, trained to notice such things. Why couldn't she separate her love as a mother and see her son for the monster he was becoming.

What about all the other mothers? Are they just as blind to their own children? I know mental health care is not what it should be. I know "jail" isn't what we want for our children, but if it is the only option available, save the innocent.

We all view our children as people to love. think of Charles Manson Ted Bundy Jeffery Dahmer and so many more. You think of them as monsters but they started out as somebody's child. Someone loved by their parents. I cant help but think that we need to stop making excuses for the behavior of our children and do the right thing. Love isn't always a hug and a kiss. Love means you do the right thing for the person regardless of what that right thing is. Even if its jail or mental institution.

This is what should be taught to people. This is where mankind is failing. We learned about mental illness and the humanity of it and forgot about the victims and innocent. It is and undeniable truth.

end of the world?

Deck the halls, dont deck the halls, what ever. Look if you think the world is coming to an end keep it to yourself and let the rest of us non believers live out our lives in peace. For Gods sake! Stop yelling on street corners that we have to confess our sins, get right with God, or even prepare to die and go to hell. If you think I am going to be confessing my sins so somebody else can get off on them you have another thing coming. If you think I am going to let my neighbors know my deepest secrets only to live through this "end of the world" to be criticized and belittled, think again.

Get your stupid opinions and religion out of my ears and away from my car! I admit I have made the mistake of letting my beliefs slip. I admit I used to be one of you zealots trying to save the people from themselves. I also admit that I woke up and smelled the coffee. I made the decision that people should have a choice and its not up to me if they make it. With all the religions out there and how loud they tend to be, if someone hasnt chosen the one you feel like could save them, it is YOU who are wrong not them.

Isaiah 5:21 Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight.

Matthew 13:22 The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful.

1 Corinthians 8:2 The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know.


To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible.
~Thomas Aquinas

Belief in a cruel God makes a cruel man.
~Thomas Paine

God enters by a private door into every individual.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't.
~Blaise Pascal


I could go on and on and on. ...please stop. You look foolish. You are not doing Gods work by yelling at people. And frankly... someone is going to go off on you and might hurt you.

losing my mind

After coping with the loss of 25K to a contractor who told me to "trust" him. my house is again starting to take in water from a simple thunderstorm. I am to tired to fight. I now understand the resolution of the Katrina victims who just packed it up and left it all behind. Its not that they wanted to give it up. Its that they just had to fight to hard to keep it and at what point do you just say fuck it? The insurance isnt going to help, Fema isnt going to help, contractors wont help, and I am at the point where I dont know where to turn. I am going to have to ask for help from the local govt. I dont know where else to go.

On a 2nd note. I have tried so hard to keep a stiff upper lip through all this and yet I sit here tonight to tired to cry. I think Im loosing my mind and because of govt cut backs there is no mental health care. isnt this a wonderful pickle Im in now?

travel

somewhere neath the shadows time

somewhere in a passing rhyme

somewhere round a three times ground

something in a mysterious sound

some time in a passing glance

sees the things we should not pass

some time in a face to hear

a direction blind and sees so clear

to tired to think

I am so tired I cant even think. Nothing seems right so I am going to back away and regroup. I am tired of being judged. Tired of trying to learn something new only to find Im not welcome. Im tired from not getting enough sleep and to much work to be done here at the house. I am tired of the sounds of saws and machinery instead of birds and dogs. I feel like I am losing my mind.... so I will spare the internet and retreat to my corner in the shadows where I feel more comfortable. helping those who need it even if they dont know Im helping. This is where I excel.

There seems to be a recurring theme in my life about trusting people. Every time I get desperate and trust someone I get screwed! Everyone gets desperate so how do I avoid getting screwed? I mean really? Here is the deal. My house flooded during hurricane Issac. I turned away 100 people looking for jobs and wanting money blah blah blah, They circle like vultures. On the 2nd day of total exhaustion, someone came to me and said they could help. I said how much, they said only as much as fema would pay and they can get me up and running. I was thrilled and relieved. Someone who obviously gave a crap. He was licensed through the state and fema approved so I said ok. Without an estimate they went straight to work. Then things went wrong, work started to get over looked and some of it was shoddy. Then fema said no more money. I was promised a finished job regardless. So here I am Thanksgiving week. I havent heard from the contractors in 3 weeks. Im painting the walls myself (which is ok... but still) They wont return my calls even when I just want to tell them that I am putting the carpet in myself and not to worry about it. I have no doors and no window sills. I have no cabinets that I was PROMISED that habitat donated for me. I sit here thinking... hmmm I wonder if I should call habitat to let them know I never got the cabinets or if I should wait and see if they actually show up. Meanwhile no thanksgiving for me, I will be laying floors, painting the living room and closets and preparing for carpet layers to come in. Im tired, missing my real life, and wanting my home back. Dont worry I will get fed, it just wont be at home after watching the parade and I wont be setting my Christmas tree up after pie while the game is on. Its tradition ya know? Im disgusted in this so called "do-gooder" and kinda tired of explaining why my house isnt farther along than it is. I feel like a fool for trusting yet another asshole, and dont care to admit it just one more time. btw, anyone have any idea how much interior doors in frames cost? they are about 75 bucks a piece. I have 20 doors that need to be replaced then trim... I am officially overwhelmed

interesting thoughts from a bad social faux pas

I was at a social event of about fifty people of all types of back grounds. One person came up to me and accused me of being demonic, This is nothing new for me to hear but never has a person been so bold to me while in a social setting. At first I chose to ignore it, but something in me just wont let this go. I know in some circles giving it this much time and thought is giving it power, butI need to figure this out. You see, I used to belong to this kind of thought process, My mother was a zealot for christ in the later years of her life. I got tired of feeling isolated from hating everyone who wasnt a Christian and was really angry with the fellow followers I had to get out. So you see I have been literally on both sides of this coin. Today I feel like a pitt bull in a fight to the death. Why do people fear things they know nothing about and yet refuse to learn? How can someone hold an opinion of something they know nothing about? Why is it when I am confronted with such things I become infuriated beyond belief? Why cant I think of a quick quip to close the mouth and open the mind of the offender? I think that is what has my mind in this vice grip the hardest. I couldnt help this person out of the opinion of me that was unfairly placed. I disagreed with the opinion but I couldnt refute it in a logical manor. Instead I attacked the person for the obvious anti social behavior. That in and of itself was not very social Im afraid. if in a social setting with many friends and loved ones and someone out of the blue corners you and offends you by insulting your religion, what would you do?