Balance of What Exactly?

A dear friend of mine wrote a blog today about the balance between practice and study. I can agree that in those two things balance is needed. What if I said if all you care to balance is the practice and study of a single topic throws you off balance in the world? People are always saying that you need balance.

What is this balance we are supposed to obtain and hold onto so dearly and cant ever seem to get?

I believe balance is that one thing that is achieved when there are few questions, less answers and much rest and even more peace. When everything seems understandable. That doesn't mean we get to rest in this place of bliss. Oh no, quite the opposite. It means we have to work hard to expand our minds to constantly maintain balance. If you have ever tried to do this you will know it is not an easy task.

To be able to bring inner peace in times of trauma and to accept the things you don't like in this world is the most difficult thing you will ever do. If you think that is easy how then exactly are you balanced? Can you tolerate bigotry? How about pedophilia? With all the fuss about Miley Cyrus this week, do you hold a strong opinion? How often do you look at the other side of a topic you hate to even bring up? This doesn't mean we shouldn't strive for justice, It means that there is always an outcome and how you handle it says something about how balanced you are.

I remember when my ex husband left me. I fell apart. I cried everyday all day for months. It was the end of my world and I wanted to die. Some might say that is a normal reaction. It is normal if the person is not balanced. Nothing in my life was balanced. To much religion not enough experience. To much dependence and not enough self reliance, to much trust not enough questions. Many if not most Americans live this way. Some live with to much greed and not enough charity. Others live with to much charity and not enough self sustaining capabilities. Some live with to much fear or to much courage. There is a happy medium and finding it seems impossible at times.

How do you find balance?

Christian teachings say to "trust God in all things and know his hand is on you"
In Persia the term "It is what it is" applies
in France it is "C'est la vie"
Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart. ~ Marcus Aurelius

People throughout time have been saying this in so many different ways you would think we would have gotten the message and teachings by now. Balance is not just in some things. it is in all things.

live and let live?

I post my beliefs and some of my loves and practices here but do I say to follow them? Why is it when I have to keep my mouth shut about how I believe, is it right to have others cramming their beliefs down my throat? When I do this it is an offense but when its done to me its "for my own good". Oh and I bet you Pagans out there are screaming "YEAH" thinking that I'm preaching to the choir. Guess what? Y'all are just as bad. ALL y'all Christians, Muslims, Pagans and Scientists alike. I am so sick of being told how to view things if I want to be correct in my thinking. If I want to be correct. Correct by who? Who made you the know it all of me? What am I thinking right this very minute? What did I eat for supper? How do I feel? Whats my temperature? How many teeth do I have? What is my favorite food? You don't know me!!! There is no way you can tell me what is good for me. My relationship with the spiritual is mine. my relationship is not yours. You have a different experience to learn from. If you care to share your experiences I will gladly listen and then share mine. I will not be preached at for any reason. If I do something that reminds you of something you did wrong you can tell me your experience but do NOT tell me that I cannot do something because you had a bad experience. Do not tell me I have to do something because it is the only way to "be good" at what I am doing. I am open to learning not reprimanding. You need to get over your bad selves and stop trying to live through me and stop trying to make me live through you. We are two different people...GUH! makin me sick!


end of rant for tonight.... keep it up and I will rant more tomorrow. This is one soap box I never get off of.

a warning

You know? there are well meaning people everywhere. Some folks are so caring that they tend to think that they know best for others. I suppose I can sometimes get that way but I generally don't give help unless asked for it. I was seeking out people who experience things the way I do in life because it gets a little lonely doing what I do. I got blasted with warnings about how I am doing things so wrong. Normally I am open to new teachings but this time I felt attacked. It felt like every thing in my being was screaming to get away from these well meaning people.

It turns out I was right. Once I took a step back and got away from their well meaning advice, all the loneliness and complications went away. There are some spirits who just don't know how overwhelming and isolating their opinions can be. They don't mean harm but they inflict it anyway. These tender souls are nothing more than misguided. They come in all shapes and sizes both present and past.

After a week of no contact with these well meaning, people I am much better. Finding a kindred is not in the cards for me and I suppose I am to stand alone. It would seem that every time I think I find a place to call home I am proven wrong. There is a lesson learned here too. An oak can bend and twist and grow very big but no two trees are alike, and to many in one place will kill off the grove.

experience without education

Why is it that I can have the experience of so many things but have no education on it what so ever? Take Vodou for example. I went to a "Pagan" spring time celebration. I had no idea that a Vodou priestess and her whole house was going to show up and perform a spiritual wedding. I knew nothing of Vodou. Sure living in New Orleans you cant help but be brushed with a few rules of engagement and respect type stuff but nothing about the religion itself. So I get into this circle. I was open and honored and wanted to learn as much as I could. What happens to this New Vodou virgin? She gets ridden by the Lwa. I have been asking about it for years. people laugh at me or shoo me away like I was poison. I don't know the rules of religion, and something spectacular happened to me and I want to know more. Why is that so hard to understand?

I am still asking foolish questions stumbling on my words and definitions because I really don't have a frustrating clue about any of it. I can only ask from where I come from and most people wont and don't respect what I have to say. I have been possessed by the holy spirit, a jaguar, 3 different Lwa, my mother, and at least 4 spirits I have invited in for better communication. I am NOT a new person to this experience.... however I have no clue about religion. I am sick of being judged by religion/education and not experience. When I tell a theologian my experience they say it cant happen or shouldn't have happened or whatever....Now I'm no expert, but if the spirits find someone they like to possess, who is a human to say the spirit shouldn't possess anyone?

Stinking religion, Christians say I am to much a witch to have the holy spirit, I am not initiated in Vodou to be ridden, I cannot have a jaguar as a guide because I am not from south America,I must be a new age neo Pagan because Raven is in my name, I do not have a college degree or formal education to explain my experiences so I am not legit. THIS is what is being said about me and to me.

I would like to say something. I didn't ask for any of this. Not a single experience. I didn't ask to have shamanic journeys, I didn't ask to experience shape shifting, I didn't ask for the holy spirit, I didn't ask for the angel to appear before me, I didn't ask to be able to heal people, I didn't ask to have a dragon, I didn't ask for the Lwa to enter me, I didn't ask for this gift I have.
What I did do was offer to be of service in the best way I can. If the spirit can accept that why cant people?

Where do we stand?

I have been spending a lot of time on a social media site and it would seem that the frustration is building about the Zimmerman case. I have been trying so hard to stay out of it and be objective. I have also been trying to figure out what the confusion is. After seeing many posts about different court cases concerning this law I can see where the problem lies. It is not the idea of someone got killed and someone didnt pay for his crime (tho that is what the media would like us to think) It is the simple fact that we as citizens dont know where we stand with the law. whats good for the goose should be good for the gander.

I dont know if its because of the media not giving us all the facts about the cases they are reporting on and have a political agenda. Or the facts of each case arent allowed to be seen by the public. Or that the law makers are twisting it all up for some personal gain to be elected or what the case is. These are the questions that should be asked. We shouldnt be riled up against a single man. We need to rile up against the people who are manipulating what we see and why we arent able to see all of it so we can better understand. Gods forbid if we ever get to see the entire facts and become responsible voters who elect judges and sheriffs and the like. Gods forbid we gain back the control of what we want instead of what someone else wants for us. I wish the people of this country would stop thinking so small and see the bigger picture. Do you not see you are being manipulated by some jack ass with an agenda? The race issue is a smoke screen. You are falling for it hook line and sinker because you dont know what else to be angry about.

Let me explain further. When a 12 yr old girl in Oklahoma shot a burglar in her home while on the phone with 911. The man didnt try to harm her. He wasnt armed. Nobody thought she would have to shoot. But she did. She is declared a hometown hero. A man in Florida who is head of a neighborhood watch questions a kid who was high on drugs in the middle of the night. The kid becomes agitated and strikes the neighborhood watchman. The watchman pulls out a gun to defend himself and kills the kid. All this after the 911 operator told the watchman to NOT APPROACH the kid. Seems to me as long as 911 says its ok to shoot, its ok to shoot. See the problem? You might say...Well she was just a little girl and scared. Im sorry, a gun is a gun is a gun and anyone holding one and is knowledgeable on how to use it, should also know they have the upper hand.

My perspective is that the law makers and keepers of this society are not able to be rigid with their own rule and law. Its all subject to interpretation and depending on the officer of the law you are dealing with (be it governor, judge, lawyer or police), you can do or say just about anything as long as they agree with you. THIS is why we are angry.

Lets deal with the problem at hand, not what is spoon fed to us by those who have an agenda.

what depression does

Ok I admit it, sometimes I suffer from depression. Once every 7-10 years my body and brain go into this funk that I need help getting out of. I dont understand it and so far no therapist understands it either. It takes me about a year to get out of it and it can get severe.

Let me tell you what its like for me. Depression is not anxiety. I am not nervous. I am not in a panic. Its the exact opposite. Frankly nothing matters during my depression. Nothing at all. Not life, not death, not food or drink. I dont care if I sleep or not. I dont care if I am loved or not. It is a huge mass of nothingness. The physical side of me fights against it. My brain wants to stop breathing but my body says NO I am going to live. My body starts to ache because it gets tired from the fight. When the advertisement says "depression hurts" they arent kidding. Light hurts, darkness kills. Everything becomes ultra sensitive and makes me want to not live anymore. I have dreams of dying or being dead. My dreams then haunt my days in vivid memory of death.

Imagine the hopeless feeling because of lack of support and misconceptions and misdiagnosis. This is something that WILL go away on its own if I can just hold on. It always does. Its holding on that is so hard. I dont want a drug that I have to take for a life time just because the docs dont know what else to do with me. For crying out loud it only lasts a year and wont be back for another 7-10 years. Why is this so difficult to understand?

ok this makes me more depressed just thinking about it. Its seems to be a cycle doesnt it?

under attack

Do you ever feel like saying, Look, I don't want to fight. You don't want me to fight. You have no idea what I can do. I can ruin your day. Please don't make me break out the blades.

Im doing some serious banishing and have come under physical attack. It would seem I have struck a cord in a big problem. I hope it goes away because I don't want to have to get my nasty out to play. I mean I will, but I don't want to have to. There is always a HUGE flare of angry woman after I have to get my mean on. It kind of sticks with me. UGH. I hope I don't have to spend my day tomorrow getting ugly.