travel

somewhere neath the shadows time

somewhere in a passing rhyme

somewhere round a three times ground

something in a mysterious sound

some time in a passing glance

sees the things we should not pass

some time in a face to hear

a direction blind and sees so clear

to tired to think

I am so tired I cant even think. Nothing seems right so I am going to back away and regroup. I am tired of being judged. Tired of trying to learn something new only to find Im not welcome. Im tired from not getting enough sleep and to much work to be done here at the house. I am tired of the sounds of saws and machinery instead of birds and dogs. I feel like I am losing my mind.... so I will spare the internet and retreat to my corner in the shadows where I feel more comfortable. helping those who need it even if they dont know Im helping. This is where I excel.

There seems to be a recurring theme in my life about trusting people. Every time I get desperate and trust someone I get screwed! Everyone gets desperate so how do I avoid getting screwed? I mean really? Here is the deal. My house flooded during hurricane Issac. I turned away 100 people looking for jobs and wanting money blah blah blah, They circle like vultures. On the 2nd day of total exhaustion, someone came to me and said they could help. I said how much, they said only as much as fema would pay and they can get me up and running. I was thrilled and relieved. Someone who obviously gave a crap. He was licensed through the state and fema approved so I said ok. Without an estimate they went straight to work. Then things went wrong, work started to get over looked and some of it was shoddy. Then fema said no more money. I was promised a finished job regardless. So here I am Thanksgiving week. I havent heard from the contractors in 3 weeks. Im painting the walls myself (which is ok... but still) They wont return my calls even when I just want to tell them that I am putting the carpet in myself and not to worry about it. I have no doors and no window sills. I have no cabinets that I was PROMISED that habitat donated for me. I sit here thinking... hmmm I wonder if I should call habitat to let them know I never got the cabinets or if I should wait and see if they actually show up. Meanwhile no thanksgiving for me, I will be laying floors, painting the living room and closets and preparing for carpet layers to come in. Im tired, missing my real life, and wanting my home back. Dont worry I will get fed, it just wont be at home after watching the parade and I wont be setting my Christmas tree up after pie while the game is on. Its tradition ya know? Im disgusted in this so called "do-gooder" and kinda tired of explaining why my house isnt farther along than it is. I feel like a fool for trusting yet another asshole, and dont care to admit it just one more time. btw, anyone have any idea how much interior doors in frames cost? they are about 75 bucks a piece. I have 20 doors that need to be replaced then trim... I am officially overwhelmed

interesting thoughts from a bad social faux pas

I was at a social event of about fifty people of all types of back grounds. One person came up to me and accused me of being demonic, This is nothing new for me to hear but never has a person been so bold to me while in a social setting. At first I chose to ignore it, but something in me just wont let this go. I know in some circles giving it this much time and thought is giving it power, butI need to figure this out. You see, I used to belong to this kind of thought process, My mother was a zealot for christ in the later years of her life. I got tired of feeling isolated from hating everyone who wasnt a Christian and was really angry with the fellow followers I had to get out. So you see I have been literally on both sides of this coin. Today I feel like a pitt bull in a fight to the death. Why do people fear things they know nothing about and yet refuse to learn? How can someone hold an opinion of something they know nothing about? Why is it when I am confronted with such things I become infuriated beyond belief? Why cant I think of a quick quip to close the mouth and open the mind of the offender? I think that is what has my mind in this vice grip the hardest. I couldnt help this person out of the opinion of me that was unfairly placed. I disagreed with the opinion but I couldnt refute it in a logical manor. Instead I attacked the person for the obvious anti social behavior. That in and of itself was not very social Im afraid. if in a social setting with many friends and loved ones and someone out of the blue corners you and offends you by insulting your religion, what would you do?