I hate PTSD and I hate nighmares

I swear there is nothing worse than waking up in tears in the middle of the night. The following day is so confusing. First I want to just sleep. Then I want to cry it out. Then I know I need to get up and act like a normal human being like nothing is wrong with me. Sometimes life just gets in the way of emotions and then sometimes emotions get in the way of life. Today is a day everything is all mixed up of both and I dont know which way to turn.