If Today Was Your Last Day

I woke up this morning with the realization that today could be my last day alive. How would I spend today? My heart sank. There are so many things I would love to say to so many people. I have done what I can do but I haven't said what I could or should say.

Today I am going to say what I need to say.

To Dennis:
You have taught me to laugh at myself. I dont know if you know how important that is. You do it so often its second nature to you. You are the only person I know who seriously knows how to laugh.... at everything. Life is a funny thing and its meant to be enjoyed. Do me a favor...go enjoy it. He who laughs last is the last one laughing. Laughing is good when you have someone to share it with.

To Robyn,
Robyn you are like my sister. I love you and so much of what you do reminds me of my mom. That is a good thing because you made me remember how much I loved my mother. Sure we had our fights and sure we had our differences but I loved her. Just as I love you.

Frances,
Dear friend. You remind me to be gentle with people. You have taught me that not everyone thinks the same and thats ok. I used to think everyone was so different than me. You have taught me that I am the same as everyone else and I am not a stranger to this world.

Sean,
My gayband LOL the one who can inject humor into any situation and make me laugh after you hit the button that will send me into a tizzy. You have such an impact on peoples lives. You spread the ever so unpopular hand of opposite thinking. You teach as well as love. You are a world apart. Just dont ever forget your world isnt the only world people see.

To my online coven:
I treasure the sacred space created in trust and love. That sounds so Wiccan but believe me its from the heart not some spell book with 101 listed in it. Always remember what the group stands for and how comfortable being small is.

To Raventalker:
You are such a gift to the world. The words you give reach the very soul of me. I have cried over how selfish I have been when I see you put to print what my heart has been screaming at me. I could never be as gracious and kind. You are like no other and it is pure pleasure to have been in your presence even for a day.

To Bucky:
Friend for life. You are one of a kind. I love you. and thank you. Do what makes you happy. Money doesnt matter in the end. Now crack some form of sarcasm and let Doug glare at you. It makes me laugh.

To Tim:
Bro? good grief! let it go. Forget the garbage all the world has and just love. Love with all your heart. Be whole. Forget about politics and religion and business. Just love. In the end thats all there is, and if you dont have it what do you have? Remember how we laughed reading the dictionary? Remember when you bought yellow dog for me when I was sick? THATS love! its selfless and all consuming. Let it take over like it used to do.

To Brian:
Most people saw me running from difficult situations because they saw me "afraid" of them. Thats not what it was. What I was running from was, making people uncomfortable with myself. I figured if I stayed away I wouldnt hurt the people I loved so very much. I had it in my brain that my personality was more damaging to others than to myself and if I hurt as bad as I did I couldnt imagine how badly I hurt others...so I stayed away. I stayed away because I love you. I now know I was so wrong. I am so sorry.

To Dan,
Fuck you! nuff said! if I ever see you again it will be to soon. Oh and by the way. If I die before you, Im haunting your ass til your head splits.

To my children:
I did what I could. Keep your heads held high and always know I never stopped loving you no matter what! code kisses!


To Tess
My adopted sis. Stop fretting so much. I dont know anyone who worries as much as you do, not even me. (and thats saying something) I know its hard but worry makes it worse. Love with all you have, smile and enjoy today. Always enjoy today.

And Finally Doug:
My heart and soul, my life and death. Take a deep breath, dont count, just let it out. Feel the air, feel the life, feel me. I will be with you always. I know I nag you some, but thats what a wife is supposed to do right? You always asked me to be myself. Im still not sure who that is but I can say you have brought me closer to knowing more than anyone else ever has. A gift I could never repay. I only hope that I have touched you the same way you have touched me. The only other thing I think I should say is "dont wait" life is to short. You dont have to be sure of something to be happy about it. Ride with the waves and enjoy. I love you. I love you. I love you. With all I am and ever will be.