Legal Marriages

Let me start by saying this is a word game

wedding: a religious event in the joining of two people
marriage: a legal and binding contract between two people
legal: binding by government law
moral: a standard of living set by beliefs or social group


People have forgotten what it means to be "wed". A Wedding is a religious event not legally binding. It is a moral commitment. This is where personal and religious beliefs come into a union of two people. The government should not have given the religious leaders the right to legalize a wedding. A legal marriage is a contract of law not religion. Because of the allowance of religious leaders to create a legal contract and do business with the courts, religious people think marriage is a religious "and" legal contract when in fact it is a separate issue. Making this statement heard in a court of law would legally allow any two people to bind together in contract a joint partnership called marriage. Anything less would be unconstitutional.

The religious leaders have a right to be confused over their part in saying what is and isn't marriage in the United States. Because someone many years ago gave them the right to say who can and cannot be married instead of keeping religion separate from state. What needs to be done is revoke religious legal marriages. If the church wants to recognize a union then let them do so on their own grounds in their own way and leave the law out of it. There is no reason why this wouldn't work. To be a part of the church you must abide by their rules. There is nothing wrong with saying that. I happen to agree with it.

I was morally bound to my husband with my religion two months before I was legally bound to him. The moral ceremony was far more important to me than any legal contract. Having the separate dates put into perspective how important it is to keep church opinions out of legal matters. I never understood the difference until that day happened. I was just like most of the Americans thinking religious leaders are where people went to be legally married. The justice of the peace was where people went when they didn't have religion and had no other option. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Legal contracts have specific meanings. Most important are health and financial commitments. The church has moral clauses about those topics but when the state says "make it legal" you are bound by law when you commit to the contract.

In any case, I am for any legal commitment contract signed by two people who wish to be responsible to and for each other. We would be foolish as a nation to not allow this to happen. After all isn't this what we raise our children to do? Be responsible? That being said I believe religion has the right to set their own standards away from "law" to allow their followers to abide by.

The Power of Guilt

My horoscope said I wasn't supposed to talk about my past today unless I am willing to take it all the way to the finish. I think whoever reads this can talk to me about anything and openly. I don't bite and I wont run anymore. So here goes.

Have you ever been guilted into doing something or done something strictly out of guilt? Have you ever found it to have a good outcome? I don't think I have ever had things I do out of guilt to ever have a good outcome. My feelings get in the way and I start to resent or question my motives and gosh what a mess things become.

My upbringing was nothing but guilt. It never reared its ugly head like it did on TV shows, but it was there.

"Love is: never having to ask someone to take out the garbage." So if you walk into the kitchen and find the can overflowing and it is your job to take out the trash, you missed an opportunity to express love by having the trash can full. Hows that for guilt? Pretty powerful huh? That's how I grew up. Love meant you had to "do" something for someone and if it didn't get done you didn't love that person. Dishes, dusting, mowing the lawn, feeding the dogs, cleaning out the cat box were all expressions of love.
I believe that my mother got love and support/care confused. She assumed that if someone didn't feed their child they didn't love them. What if the parent of a child, because of lack of money, couldn't afford to feed their child? In my mothers eyes it was lack of love. "If a parent loves a child then they wont have the child until they are able to care for it properly. If a parent has a child and cannot care for it and wont find a way to care for it then the parent does not love the child." This thinking is pure guilt. None of my children were planned and, without someone to support me, I had no way to support them. I didn't know how to support myself or my children. It does not mean I don't love them.

My family is riddled with guilt. It is so sad to see. There are to many "I'm sorry" statements and not enough "I love you" statements. Why should we be sorry? We are who we are and we should accept things for the way things are and go from here. There is no "making up for lost time". There is no "do over". We have one life and why do something out of or because of guilt?

Guilt is of the past. Love and joy are in the present. If you see someone with love you will see them for who they are and not what they could or should have been, or even what they could be. Love is in the now.

I would like to say:

Derick, Devin, Dalton, Brian, Kathleen, Tim, Aunt Millie, Greg, Melinda, Beth, Leslie, Aunt Kathy, Linda, Bill, Sara, Tori, Ava, Colin, Braden and Alec (who isn't even born yet) and all the cousins I haven't got a chance to meet or know very well.....

Life is kind of funny. It can be so fragile and short. We never seem to take the time to live in the now. Its always is about "We should have... Remember when... It's a shame that...Someday if...Maybe when..." Today I am throwing all those feelings away. I love my family for who you are, how you are, why you are, today. It doesn't matter if you talk to me or not. I love you, each and every one of you, without guilt, without regret, without a possible future....but today.

look ma no glasses

After 47 years of not knowing what the world looks like in single vision. After 47 years of not having any depth perception I now can see distance. I can see. I see because of the care and concern and understanding of a doctor who knew how bad my eyes were. I have stitches in my eyes. My eyes are blood red and watering. But I can see. The world is a new and interesting place. In 2 days I embark on a new life. A life of sight. Art has been but a mere dream until now. I have new eyes and now a new life in a world of shadow and light as well as color. The wonder of the world that most dont have is now mine for the taking.