really?

Its been a bit of a week. Very high highs and very low lows. I feel so out of balance its hard to regain stability. I have a failing business, a thriving education, I am happy and sad all at the same time and it shows. My house is clean but my yard is a mess. Nothing is making any sense. I am missing my spirituality and it is autumn. Autumn is the worst time of year for me. Its homesick time. This year I thought it was going to be really bad but it has morphed into something else. I feel indifferent. This in and of itself is very odd to me. I am not a person to be indifferent about anything. I wanna scream and break through this feeling but I want it to be the right feeling of contentment when Im done.

Then there is the fail/succeed thing happening. I dont know how to handle this either. GOOD GODS what have I done to myself? I cant handle more than one feeling at a time. I shouldnt have tried more than one thing at a time. Im not going to give one up for the other. I just wish I knew how to cope better. Im struggling for sure.