The Undeniable Truth

It is Monday Dec.17th 2012. Last Friday some manic 20 year old shot his mother then went to an elementary school and killed 25 more people including 20 children ages 6 and 7.

There has been much debate over gun control laws, mental health availability and security in schools.

I believe that there aren't enough mental health hospitals and beds available. That being said I will stand by my feelings on this.

I am a mother of an adult child who is troubled. I have tried to "make" him seek out help. Because he refused, there is nothing I can do. But I wont make excuses for him. He is in and out of trouble, drugs, depression, and friends who break the law. It took a lot for me to open my eyes and stop making excuses for him. He is what some might call a high functioning mental case. ADHD, dyslexia, depression, and signs of autism. He has always been anti social and never was a talker. He has ALWAYS had a fascination for guns and the military even as a toddler. When he got in trouble at home he would just "check out" and not respond to punishment or words of wisdom. He acted like his actions were all important and my opinion didn't matter.

After 2 guns turned up missing from my home and, he refused to get a job and pay child support for his daughter, I then realized this is NOT a person who has the capacity to care the way he should.

It broke my heart to face the truth about my kid. I gave birth to a possible nut case. He belongs in jail for drugs and stealing and before he snaps or something. Sure, he is calm and loving and peaceful most of the time, but then there are the times when he just cant be reached. Not violent, just unfeeling. THOSE ARE DANGER SIGNS!

I cant help but think about the mother of the young man who committed the murders of 20 children. The mother who never wanted to admit violence as a possibility. She was a teacher, trained to notice such things. Why couldn't she separate her love as a mother and see her son for the monster he was becoming.

What about all the other mothers? Are they just as blind to their own children? I know mental health care is not what it should be. I know "jail" isn't what we want for our children, but if it is the only option available, save the innocent.

We all view our children as people to love. think of Charles Manson Ted Bundy Jeffery Dahmer and so many more. You think of them as monsters but they started out as somebody's child. Someone loved by their parents. I cant help but think that we need to stop making excuses for the behavior of our children and do the right thing. Love isn't always a hug and a kiss. Love means you do the right thing for the person regardless of what that right thing is. Even if its jail or mental institution.

This is what should be taught to people. This is where mankind is failing. We learned about mental illness and the humanity of it and forgot about the victims and innocent. It is and undeniable truth.

end of the world?

Deck the halls, dont deck the halls, what ever. Look if you think the world is coming to an end keep it to yourself and let the rest of us non believers live out our lives in peace. For Gods sake! Stop yelling on street corners that we have to confess our sins, get right with God, or even prepare to die and go to hell. If you think I am going to be confessing my sins so somebody else can get off on them you have another thing coming. If you think I am going to let my neighbors know my deepest secrets only to live through this "end of the world" to be criticized and belittled, think again.

Get your stupid opinions and religion out of my ears and away from my car! I admit I have made the mistake of letting my beliefs slip. I admit I used to be one of you zealots trying to save the people from themselves. I also admit that I woke up and smelled the coffee. I made the decision that people should have a choice and its not up to me if they make it. With all the religions out there and how loud they tend to be, if someone hasnt chosen the one you feel like could save them, it is YOU who are wrong not them.

Isaiah 5:21 Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight.

Matthew 13:22 The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful.

1 Corinthians 8:2 The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know.


To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible.
~Thomas Aquinas

Belief in a cruel God makes a cruel man.
~Thomas Paine

God enters by a private door into every individual.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't.
~Blaise Pascal


I could go on and on and on. ...please stop. You look foolish. You are not doing Gods work by yelling at people. And frankly... someone is going to go off on you and might hurt you.

losing my mind

After coping with the loss of 25K to a contractor who told me to "trust" him. my house is again starting to take in water from a simple thunderstorm. I am to tired to fight. I now understand the resolution of the Katrina victims who just packed it up and left it all behind. Its not that they wanted to give it up. Its that they just had to fight to hard to keep it and at what point do you just say fuck it? The insurance isnt going to help, Fema isnt going to help, contractors wont help, and I am at the point where I dont know where to turn. I am going to have to ask for help from the local govt. I dont know where else to go.

On a 2nd note. I have tried so hard to keep a stiff upper lip through all this and yet I sit here tonight to tired to cry. I think Im loosing my mind and because of govt cut backs there is no mental health care. isnt this a wonderful pickle Im in now?