Ok I admit it, sometimes I suffer from depression. Once every 7-10 years my body and brain go into this funk that I need help getting out of. I dont understand it and so far no therapist understands it either. It takes me about a year to get out of it and it can get severe.
Let me tell you what its like for me. Depression is not anxiety. I am not nervous. I am not in a panic. Its the exact opposite. Frankly nothing matters during my depression. Nothing at all. Not life, not death, not food or drink. I dont care if I sleep or not. I dont care if I am loved or not. It is a huge mass of nothingness. The physical side of me fights against it. My brain wants to stop breathing but my body says NO I am going to live. My body starts to ache because it gets tired from the fight. When the advertisement says "depression hurts" they arent kidding. Light hurts, darkness kills. Everything becomes ultra sensitive and makes me want to not live anymore. I have dreams of dying or being dead. My dreams then haunt my days in vivid memory of death.
Imagine the hopeless feeling because of lack of support and misconceptions and misdiagnosis. This is something that WILL go away on its own if I can just hold on. It always does. Its holding on that is so hard. I dont want a drug that I have to take for a life time just because the docs dont know what else to do with me. For crying out loud it only lasts a year and wont be back for another 7-10 years. Why is this so difficult to understand?
ok this makes me more depressed just thinking about it. Its seems to be a cycle doesnt it?
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