You make me.....

I really have a hard time breaking the habit in saying "you make me..." So many times in a day someone will do something that I react to.

I have come to the conclusion that my feelings are my choice. I can be angry about something and I can be happy about something but nobody "makes" me be anything. I have free will. I dont have a mental illness in which I have no control over my actions and reactions. I have to take responsibility about how I feel.
There are some things that will invoke anger in almost anyone. Injustice and harm to others are the two things that come to mind. But being angry and how I react is on me not on the perpetrator.

This week Osama Bin Laden was murdered as he was holding his youngest wife as a human shield. Half of the world has been hunting him like a dog after a rabbit. When I first heard the news I was relieved. My children are soldiers and I worry daily for their safety. Then after about an hour I watched the news in horror. Thousands of people celebrating a murder. I understand the relief, but cheering over such a thing brought tears flowing. Was Osama correct in saying we are a barbaric people?

I found myself at a loss for words and not understanding my emotions. Nobody made me feel anything. I was experiencing a feeling all of my own. I felt out of place in the land I live and yet somehow felt responsible. After all, I am a military brat, married a military man and bore two military children. I am a product of my country. I cant help but think how Osama felt. He too was a product of his land, his military, his faith. Are we do different?

Again I find myself looking to my emotions and finding myself responsible. I will not cheer, I will not celebrate. I cannot be "happy" about a murder. I understand it, dont get me wrong. For me it is like seeing the biggest, oldest bear in the forest gone rabid. He is strong, wise, and king where he lives. He is sick and will go rouge. He will destroy and sicken more bears if he isnt killed. He has had a long life that was successful and now its at an end.

For that I feel relieved its over and sad it had to be done... That is on me.