coping

This past week I have been coping with some very chaotic energy. Someone I know close to me suffers from terrible depression. When I tried to deflect it she withdrew like an evil spirit crawling under a rock but the rock was her mind and heart. Then another friend sprawled anger during a weak moment I was having, and I blew up. I am human and I am not all powerful. I recognized it for what it was and it was coming at me from all sides. Thoughts of death that weren't mine entering my brain like flood waters creeping between the floor and walls of an old home. My foundation was firm but I thought the walls would crumble. I am coping as best I can. I wonder what I am doing to cause such an upheaval that would cause total destruction. Could it be my head washing on Saturday? The very idea I am talking common sense to someone who needs it? I must be doing something right in order to have pissed off something so ugly. But I cope. I dont know if I am equipped to handle this. I need help and I dont know who to ask.