OH holy hell what a can of worms this murdering sick minded scum of the earth has opened up. Yes you heard me. I don't care if he was mentally ill or what. He was a sick son of a bitch and his parents are sick too. He didn't get those ideas out of thin air ya know.
I have been reading and reading and reading all week. One story after another about how men cannot accept the idea they are jerks at the least and murderers at the worst. Do you know why they can't understand? Because we as women swallow their bullshit out of fear. Look I know this is hard to to read but let me give you some history here. I was raised to think men were more important and I needed one to take care of me by a woman who didn't want to have a man in her life. (see the irony there?) I was taught to believe women should be in servitude to men. So many women think this way and it has created some serious flaws in male thought processes.
Because of being raised this way, I am a survivor of 19 rapes and beatings over a 20 year period of time. I was hunted down because I pissed off the wrong guy. The thing is, they are ALL the wrong guy. Any man can snap, even the nice ones. What stopped the crap was me getting mad. I don't mean mad at men. I mean mad at myself. When I was being raped I never fought back so I would survive. I told myself to just ride it out and I would live to see another day. What I didn't know is that I could fight back and WIN.
Now, fast forward. Today I am married to a man who thinks I am a trophy. Things haven't changed all that much with me... until now. I am furious with myself for allowing my life to be ruined by men who keep me back from experiencing what life really has to offer me. I am ready to be a warrior. I am not saying that I will not fear men. I will fear them plenty. What I am saying is that I will take my fear and use it to fight back. Live, be hurt, or die, I will fight back. If it means divorce then so be it. If it means I live alone, then so be it. It is more important to be a full human being than a safe little flower kept away from living and being whole.
We need to take responsibility for our own ignorance. How many women have put on that low cut top or those mini skirts HOPING it will attract a man because you were wanting sex that night? How many of you smile at cat calls because you think "you still got it". Lets face it, we women were taught that much of our self confidences fall on whether or not we are desirable to a man. No its not right. I agree! It is so wrong and sick its beyond sad. But that doesn't mean it isn't a fact. Don't get me wrong, I am furious at my mother for teaching me what she was not living herself. I am furious for the way society placed my importance on having a man in my life. (see previous posts on sexual identity struggles) I am furious at myself for acting weaker than I am. I am furious at the men who took advantage of my low self esteem and lack of knowledge.
There is a HUGE issue with the entire topic of conversation. Sex is always a huge issue. How to get it, when to get it, how it should be done, facts, fiction, fantasy, the list is endless. The question I am trying to ask is....
How does a person engage sexual activity without engaging in inequality. Just asking a person if they are interested in seeing someone, can be experienced as to forward a question.
There are centuries of inequality lessons and teaching to cut through. Women tend to be weaker, men stronger physically, and yet I believe mentally its the exact opposite. For the most part, they equal each other out. If only we would recognize it and respect both our weaknesses and strengths. Perhaps this is what needs to be taught in the future to change how we approach equality. Teach that everyone is important and everyone has weaknesses including you.
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