Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Best Birthday Ever

You know? There is something to be said for reunions. In the past 4 months I have talked with all the cousins, my twin, and yesterday I talked with my older brother who I havent talked to since 1995.

I had been looking for a part of my soul for so long that I gave up on getting it back. I stopped looking. Last night my brother calls me and gave it back with a smile and such gentleness. Its like he was keeping it safe for me. I never in a million years would have thought he had it. Even as I talked to him I didnt know. Only after I hung up the phone did the rush come. I cried for hours. I wanted to laugh but I just cried and cried and cried. It is such a release.

I dont know if he knows the gift he has given me. I suppose it isnt important he knows. What is important he knows now is how much I have always loved him. He was the only one who made me feel like I could do something with myself other than marry a man and have babies. I never thought of him like a dad but if I had a dad I would want him to be like my brother.

Another gift he has given me is a new perspective on my life. How to view it. I have always been such a pessimist. Its the training I got as a child, no blame, just fact. I have a new way to see things. I am going to take it and run with it as far as I can. I havent ever been this happy....ever!

Thank you to my family who loves me as I am, and sees me in a way I have only dreamed of seeing myself... and then handing me a mirror

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