The end of the year

Here it is just a day away. I find myself rather annoyed but hopeful. I was just reading an article about what men dont like a woman to wear. It wasnt the article that bothered me so much as it was the comments. One girl said that we need to listen to the straight men commenting because its mostly gay men in fashion making the choices for us and gay men dont have our best interest at heart.

What I want to know is who is teaching these young ladies that ANYONE has their best interest at heart but themselves? Good grief! I know that I have posted on this topic before but holy cow Im really thinking we are doomed if this is the way we are training our kids to think. I am floored.

I want young people to follow the free thinkers, have original ideas, create, discover, and teach us what they know. I want them to be fearless in conviction and not afraid to buck the system.

So for the new year this is my one and only wish. That opinions turn to spines and balls, and people will be who they are and not what others want them to be.

Grave Walking

I have been walking a few of the cemeteries here in town and have had some very interesting experiences. It would seem that someone in the St Louis Cemetery #1 doesnt like vertical pictures taken. My camera malfunctioned. My wish was redirected and granted just as soon as I made it. I cannot be thankful enough for such a quick answer. Holt cemetery has touched me in a way I wasnt sure I could be touched. There is something deeply disturbing and thought provoking there. Corvid came and gave me what I was looking for there. The Metairie cemetery felt cold and yet still mysterious.

I wont go into my personal experiences in depth because I am still sorting them out and I may have been touched in a way that shouldnt be spoken of.

I can say this, I have been deeply moved by what I have seen and felt. I have had a euphoric feeling that wont stop, and Im not sure I want it to. The next step on my path is both a cautious one and final. I have to build the courage to do it.

pressing onward

I went to a book signing tonight and was pleasantly surprised at the content. I believe I know the next step I should take on my spiritual path. Its something I really have always wanted to do but never trusted the light hearted folks to guide me on this path. I am by no means a light heart or even light in spirit. I choose to do and be what my mind and sound reasoning thinks is best. So, I am going down a path that is not for everyone. I will post results of my practice as it continues. Yay my spiritual size is BACK!

Since When?

Since when does a person get to old to be sexual? I was slammed today for being over 40 and bi, hittin on other women. Good gods I might not be able to snag me a lil hotti but damn people Im not dead! If shes gonna put it out there Im going to look! Who in the hell paved the road for all you young folks to be so open with your sexuality in the first place? When I was in school I couldnt say a word about being what and who I am because I would have been locked away in some mental ward somewhere. To all you lil chicas out there just kissin on girls and being silly and free.... ROCK ON but dont go tellin me I aint got no right to get all hot and bothered over it. I lived through hell just to be able to say I like girls let alone be able to kiss one. And to all you Boys out there hatin on me because I can talk to the girls and you cant..... Grow some balls be who you are and stop hatin on people who have more balls than you do. Take a page from my book and learn somthin ya stupid punk! Oh and when you do? Ill be glad to stop hatin on you!

Now that I have ranted for the day.... time for another cup of coffee..... HMMMPH!

drama

Is having drama in your life blocking you from happiness? Maybe the next question should be, Are you causing drama because you dont know how to achieve happiness? Did you know your drama affects everyone else by blocking their happiness?

These are all questions that people need to ask themselves and of others. If you or someone you know is creating a scene to affect the people around them its called drama. Do you live in drama? Why?

There is the real question. Why do people create drama? It is attention seeking behavior. It is also manipulative behavior. These people tend to drag everyone into their mess hoping to create a smoke screen to hide what is really going on. In other words they are liars. They may not realize that this is what they are doing because the attention is more important than anything else. These people cannot be trusted and need professional help.

I have a person like this in my life. She is not the first soap opera creator and Im more than confidant she wont be the last. However, She is giving me no choice but to take action against her. There are many people she has involved and some are innocent. I dont know exactly what to do because any action at all drags me into the soap opera. Normally I would just ignore everything and cause her to go away. This time I have no choice.

what acceptance means

What is it with people who know you on a personal level and want to improve you in some way? Do you know who Im talking about? Its mom, dad, brother, sister, aunt, uncle or even the grandparents. Yep its family. The very people who always want better for you and are constantly trying to improve how you do something or tell you how wrong you are for doing what you are doing.

I know that family means well but its family that makes us go out looking for something better. This is why we have friends and spouses. Our friends are supposed to counter balance the ever ongoing lack of acceptance from our family.

Look, I know family will always mean well, but they never really accept us for who we really are. They accept us for who we might become. They accept our potential and what they themselves see in us. They accept us as they want see us. God love their short sighted all loving hearts.

Friends are so much more important than anyone will ever know. Friends say I love you just as you are today. They dont say you need to change, or remember when you did this and how dumb you used to be. They dont say look how far you have come. They dont even say wow you could really make something of yourself if only you... (fill in the blank here). What friends do is tell you you are important to them today and they love you for who you are today. They dont care about anything else other than TODAY.

The problem is when family members outweigh the friends in our lives? So many people lack real friends. Family becomes to overbearing and then we become solitude. We feel like there is nothing but failure because there is no acceptance for who we are today.

So when family gets to be to much.... go out and have a drink with your friends. Listen to them and see what they have to say about you. you will find new life in that dead horse your family has been kicking.

what is belief?

I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe there’s a God above
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It’s not a cry you can hear at night
It’s not somebody who has seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light in every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah



This is a song. To a believer it is very touching but to someone who is not a believer it is something else.
There is a hint of shame or a pointed finger in the first statement of "you dont really care for music do you?" For me the tone is set with this one statement. Love is a cold and broken hallelujah? Really? Is someone suggesting that I have to be cold and broken before I can love, before I can see love or understand it? This makes me angry beyond words. The church is saying they must break me before I can love. How nice! No wonder I left the church. The very idea of people needing to be broken is nothing more than enslavement. I wish Christians would stop preaching and start living. They are so caught up in their beliefs they dont even know what they are saying anymore.

Hallelujah means "praise YHWH" or praise god. So this song is praising the lord of song? I have heard the Christian god called many things but lord of song is not one of them. In fact Apollo was the Greek god of music and arts. Pan or the horned god was also a god of music and song. Both of these gods were also gods of love. Music and love seem to evoke many of the same feelings.

Love was a feeling of power not of being broken. How could we as a people have come so far as to get it all backwards? What is it going to take to make it right again? How could a religion take that feeling, twist its meaning, tell us we are wrong, cause us to fear, and then teach us how to be broken? How stupid are we to believe them?

For the record: I will not be broken! Many have tried and almost succeeded but in the end have failed. There is no god, no religion, no demon or man who can break me! Only I can allow myself to be broken and I am far to strong to allow that to happen. My spirit lives! It lives well. It lives happy! and for that I say Hallal Valkyris!

full moon of
October night
present to me
visions right

heat of fire
breath of air
wet in water
Earth to share

dance to sound
rhythms core
alive are they
dead no more

raven spirit
radiant light
fly with me
in dead of night

show me fortune
few can know
tell me tales
for spirit grow

hiding

how many people do we know have something to hide? It seems like everyone I know is hiding something from someone for whatever reason. When does this end? Why do people do this? I dont hide anything anymore. I am what I am. The one thing I used to hide from family I dont hide anymore, we just dont talk about it. Not talking about it is easier because at least I know to avoid it and it actually helps me find common ground.

Lets face it, we all try to hide something once in a while but it is our own shame not the shame others see in us that cause us to do this.

I am an Animist/Heathen, BDSM submissive, I have been to jail, my kids rarely talk to me and you know what? Im ok with it. Some things I wish could be better but hey, life isnt perfect and would be boring if it was.

I do not think anyones life should be perfect and if you are painting a picture of it being perfect you are hiding something. I dont care about it so much as I know its unhealthy to hide behind a picture instead of being yourself. I love people and all their so clled imperfections... lying is the only thing I DONT like.

Bullies

Have you ever wondered about bullies and what makes them tick? I have. I am being bullied online by someone who has never even met me. He has faked his own death only to come back from wherever he was to be worse than ever. I have seen him say horrible things to people and it would seem I am his main target now. I am an unfit mother who lost her kids and everyone hates me according to him. Interesting how he thinks he can hurt me and convince others to hate me because of something he says.

All I see is someone dying for attention. The sad thing is, even in death he wasn't getting it. He has caused so much disgust nobody cares anymore. How do we get to the point of not caring? I see him as a total mental case who is a twisted sadist. He really gets off on the pain and humiliation of others and females seem to be his targets. If he was out in public, he would be arrested. Because he is online he is dismissed.

In my opinion I believe this man was abused and in order to survive he has become the abuser. He has gotten desired results by abusing... he no longer is abused. Interesting case... but a case none the less.

unpopular?

I posted a video of big cats playing with pumpkins on a social site and someone said that we shouldnt be giving pumpkins to the cats, we should be feeding the poor. I dont know about all that. I am a most unpopular person when it comes to charity to people. In a time of war, poverty and many other tragedies I find myself believing in what the bible said to do. Give a man a fish he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime. We need to teach the poor how to live.

I used to be homeless. It wasnt my choice but I had no idea how to live a life that didnt produce poverty. I ended up marrying to get out of my situation and then pulled myself up with work and social networking within the community. In other words I was taught to live a life worth living. I never took food or shelter without paying for it. I never took free money. I worked my ass off for it. In this country people CAN pull themselves up. It is not easy and not instant but it can be done.Believe in yourself and you can do anything.

really?

Its been a bit of a week. Very high highs and very low lows. I feel so out of balance its hard to regain stability. I have a failing business, a thriving education, I am happy and sad all at the same time and it shows. My house is clean but my yard is a mess. Nothing is making any sense. I am missing my spirituality and it is autumn. Autumn is the worst time of year for me. Its homesick time. This year I thought it was going to be really bad but it has morphed into something else. I feel indifferent. This in and of itself is very odd to me. I am not a person to be indifferent about anything. I wanna scream and break through this feeling but I want it to be the right feeling of contentment when Im done.

Then there is the fail/succeed thing happening. I dont know how to handle this either. GOOD GODS what have I done to myself? I cant handle more than one feeling at a time. I shouldnt have tried more than one thing at a time. Im not going to give one up for the other. I just wish I knew how to cope better. Im struggling for sure.

Depressing

I cannot draw. I want to so badly and for some reason I have artist's block. Its like I dont even know how to put a shadow or a simple line to create a darn thing. What is wrong with me? Is it depression or lack of knowledge or what? And Im so tired. sigh

A Quote From Renoir

"I paint with my prick" This is my most favorite quote of any and all of the artist I have ever heard. It is so raw and real. Alright so it is a bit crass, but nobody ever said an artist was good with words. That in and of itself is is why artists create. Because they arent good with words.

What Renoir meant by this is that he paints that which emotionally excites him. In other words he painted what turned him on. If you study his paintings you can feel his passion and sense his dreaminess and feelings about his subjects. To put it his way... I can see his orgasm in his finished work.

I get it. Sex is a basic and knowing instinct by just about every human being alive. To correlate the desire of sex, and how an artist feels about performing his/her art in genius. To be without either is dehumanizing. Many people dont feel that way about their profession but an artist is different. It is another basic need, just like sex.

Pet Peve or Cranky This Morning?

I read the local online paper every morning without fail. I read the articles and sometimes the comments. I know I live in the deep south. I know the education isn't that great here, but really, must people who can read but not write post idiocy? I understand why being angry at the press for not letting us know we have a child molester in our midst since June but why say anything if you cannot speak proper English? Hell, even basic English would be nice. Some of the comments made were so bad I couldn't make heads or tails out of them. Isn't that what spell check is for? I know our schools here aren't THAT bad. This has to be a dropout rate showing through this morning or something. How can a person be able to read and not be able to write? Don't reading and writing go hand in hand? I thought they did. I suppose I shouldn't complain. After all, they do at least sound like they have morals in wanting the molester off the streets. Its just so aggravating to try and read something that should be very easy to read.

My head now hurts from trying to untangle the posts and turning them into somewhat of a proper statement or two. *Gasp* It makes me want to go out and teach adults some basic steps for writing and for using a computer. Turning on spell check would help a great deal I think. I don't know, maybe I should stop reading. I don't want to seem to critical and I certainly don't want to sound like a prude. It just doesn't make any sense to me that's all. as she goes grumbling to the kitchen for coffee

Irene

As hurricane Irene bares down on the eastern seaboard all I can think about is the flooding she will cause. Living in New Orleans during Katrina the wind was bad and destructive but it was the water that made it so hard to recover. There was water everywhere. Irene isnt what they would call a major hurricane but she is dumping a record amount of water. I remember Floyd when he sat over land and just wrecked everything he touched. Irene is predicted to hit New York city. there are a lot of folks scoffing at it because it doesnt have a large number attached to it.

The smell of mold is burned into my brain. Law suits over poisoned dry wall and bad contractors and scam artists. Hospitals and doctors offices over burdened with symptoms they have never seen before. People needing medication for shock and stress.

Natural disasters affect more than the land. Run, run as fast as you can and dont come back until everyone says its safe to come back. Save yourselves from the emotional trauma, physical agony and mental anguish of a natural disaster. There is no need to test your ability to survive, not this time.

blessings

a balancing act

After a trip to Miami for business, I have put myself into a very interesting position. My spirituality has taken a major back seat to my schooling and business. I need to start involving what I believe into what I am doing or I am going to lose what I have learned. How do I put cosmetics into a spiritual practice that honors the old and wrinkled? I wish to adhere to the ways I know to be true and this business contradicts it more than coincides with it. There has to be a way. I like make up and if I like it and can use it and be what I am so can others. So I need to express myself as myself and market myself as who and what I am. I am not so good at doing this. I wonder how others do this. Its all so very complicated to me.

Painting is easy to express within my spirituality. I have visions and I just need to paint them. Taking time out for my visions is the balance there.

I sigh and think... wow what to do next?

~blah~

I am slowly becoming disenchanted with many things as of late. I dunno, maybe I have hit a speed bump. I am finding so much wrong with things its irritating me no end. In my spirituality I am finding my path to be more and more alone and less and less "of family" In art I am finding I am a rare breed. I am attending a school where there are people so secluded from the worlds events they dont know who Phil Collins is and some fellow students snub the street artists and I dont think that way at all. I refuse to starve for my art. Its not about me its about creating emotion in others. My emotion is mine not someone elses.

For a long time I have felt at home with anything that has come my way now everything is different. Dont get me wrong, I LOVE my school and I adore my spiritual practice I wouldnt trade them for anything. I just wish I had someone to share them with and have someone understand.

Maybe Im just in a funk. I dunno...BLAH! I wanna eat my way through a chocolate cake and gallon of vanilla ice cream. I also wish I could recoil into a corner and wrap a thick wall around me. Im feeling so beat up and tired. I dont get why people dont get me. I dont get why I cant explain to people who and what I am and how I know what I know.

my summon for the raven

corvid raven
crow and rook
replace now
what mankind took

feather shine
like blackened silk
strong like steel
of shield and hilt

fly in light
so blackness see
soar at night
for mystery

send me signs
for knowledge gain
to answer questions
that remain

I thank you for
your guardianship
wisdom wise
from beak not lip

Responsibility

Today I read in the paper about a little girl who was three years old. She was a beautiful and curious child. During the Independence Day celebrations for her neighborhood block party, a large group of motorcycles ran the streets speeding around without thought and care in the world. The little girl stuck her head out between two cars to see where the noise was coming from and one of the bikes struck her so hard she went flying "like a helicopter" across the street and landed dead on the ground. The biker who hit her did not stop but the other bikers did. After a vigil took place for this little girl the biker turned himself in. He is all of twenty two years old.

The comments in the paper accused the mother of child of neglect. No child that young should be near a street without an adult. They accused the young man of cowardliness. He ran away.
Though I agree with both statements, I also have to think about how things like this happen. It was a block party. Everyone was there. Kids everywhere, adults gathered round. It was a day of relaxation.

The young man was speeding. He should be charged with reckless endangerment and many other things. How many of you know of young men who do things like that? What about the other young men he was with? Shouldn't they be charged too? I am sure the reason he took off was to save his own neck. I'm sure the people who were there would have killed him if he had stuck around. That, and pure guilt. Young people who have not matured, will run out of guilt. Nobody likes to feel that way, and his was the big one. He killed an innocent child. I cant imagine how panicked he was. I'm sure he was terrified.

Being from a neighborhood, I can see how something like this could happen. Being a mother of young adults I can see how this could happen. It just goes to show, you might be old enough by law but are you old enough in reality. Moms normally are very strict about where their children roam and who watches them. Young men shouldn't have a license if they tend to be reckless. Blame is always sought when tragedy happens. The fact is, it was an accident caused by two people being careless. If one of them, just one, had not been "as careless" this wouldn't have happened. Everyone knows you do not walk near painters on a ladder. Motorcycles shouldn't be speeding in neighborhoods, and children shouldn't be near the street.

I would like to say that I feel bad for everyone who was there and for all the people involved. What a horrible thing to have had happen. Bless the little girl whose name is Asia. Her Picture will be burned in my head for years to come. I have grand daughters her age and hope that they will be safe. I know in my heart of hearts that no child is safe "all" the time, Just like no adult is responsible all the time. We are human, and we all pay the price for it.

I will sit crying for this child and the people who will be forever affected by her birth, life, and death. this is so sad.

Perspective Then and Now

Did you ever notice that people who complain about things other people do, often do the exact same thing and don't realize it? Did you ever notice someone complaining about another person complaining? Kind of funny isn't it? I used to get irritated and sometimes down right angry at the irony that I see everyday. Now it makes me laugh. Sometimes I'm told that I just don't understand, and that makes me laugh even louder.

I was talking to a very dear friend of mine this week about all the stupid drama in her life. Drama about kids, court, health, her friends, her family and on and on she went. She was complaining about how complicated her life was because she felt the responsibility to straighten out everyone's problems. By doing this she has created her own problems. She has neglected herself to the point her life is miserable.

I have talked to her about her constant involvement with other peoples lives to no avail. I have told her about how it would affect her health, to no avail. She has now come to me with issues that nobody can do anything about because things have gotten way out of control. I wanted to cry for her but instead I laughed. She didn't understand how much I really understood her difficulty. Then I told her to stop, just stop. Stop asking me to fix something she did and will continue to do because she WANTS to do it. Stop complaining. Stop being stressed if it is something she wants to do. If she doesn't want the problems that go with it STOP DOING IT. Then I told her I was gonna kick her ass for letting it get this far. Then she laughed. She laughed at herself, not at me. She knew I was right, but then went to have lunch with a troubled friend with more issues than a full blown psychiatrist can shake a stick at.

When I hung up the phone I roared. I mean really...how? huh? HA HA HA HA OMG and WTF!

They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. I don't know about that but it sure is funny to watch. I have grown so much in the past five years or so, that it is hard to see people in the same light as I used to. I cherish my friend because her soul deeply cares for people. I also cherish her because she makes me laugh. I cannot worry about her because this is how she wants to be.

Celebrate life!

Legal Marriages

Let me start by saying this is a word game

wedding: a religious event in the joining of two people
marriage: a legal and binding contract between two people
legal: binding by government law
moral: a standard of living set by beliefs or social group


People have forgotten what it means to be "wed". A Wedding is a religious event not legally binding. It is a moral commitment. This is where personal and religious beliefs come into a union of two people. The government should not have given the religious leaders the right to legalize a wedding. A legal marriage is a contract of law not religion. Because of the allowance of religious leaders to create a legal contract and do business with the courts, religious people think marriage is a religious "and" legal contract when in fact it is a separate issue. Making this statement heard in a court of law would legally allow any two people to bind together in contract a joint partnership called marriage. Anything less would be unconstitutional.

The religious leaders have a right to be confused over their part in saying what is and isn't marriage in the United States. Because someone many years ago gave them the right to say who can and cannot be married instead of keeping religion separate from state. What needs to be done is revoke religious legal marriages. If the church wants to recognize a union then let them do so on their own grounds in their own way and leave the law out of it. There is no reason why this wouldn't work. To be a part of the church you must abide by their rules. There is nothing wrong with saying that. I happen to agree with it.

I was morally bound to my husband with my religion two months before I was legally bound to him. The moral ceremony was far more important to me than any legal contract. Having the separate dates put into perspective how important it is to keep church opinions out of legal matters. I never understood the difference until that day happened. I was just like most of the Americans thinking religious leaders are where people went to be legally married. The justice of the peace was where people went when they didn't have religion and had no other option. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Legal contracts have specific meanings. Most important are health and financial commitments. The church has moral clauses about those topics but when the state says "make it legal" you are bound by law when you commit to the contract.

In any case, I am for any legal commitment contract signed by two people who wish to be responsible to and for each other. We would be foolish as a nation to not allow this to happen. After all isn't this what we raise our children to do? Be responsible? That being said I believe religion has the right to set their own standards away from "law" to allow their followers to abide by.

The Power of Guilt

My horoscope said I wasn't supposed to talk about my past today unless I am willing to take it all the way to the finish. I think whoever reads this can talk to me about anything and openly. I don't bite and I wont run anymore. So here goes.

Have you ever been guilted into doing something or done something strictly out of guilt? Have you ever found it to have a good outcome? I don't think I have ever had things I do out of guilt to ever have a good outcome. My feelings get in the way and I start to resent or question my motives and gosh what a mess things become.

My upbringing was nothing but guilt. It never reared its ugly head like it did on TV shows, but it was there.

"Love is: never having to ask someone to take out the garbage." So if you walk into the kitchen and find the can overflowing and it is your job to take out the trash, you missed an opportunity to express love by having the trash can full. Hows that for guilt? Pretty powerful huh? That's how I grew up. Love meant you had to "do" something for someone and if it didn't get done you didn't love that person. Dishes, dusting, mowing the lawn, feeding the dogs, cleaning out the cat box were all expressions of love.
I believe that my mother got love and support/care confused. She assumed that if someone didn't feed their child they didn't love them. What if the parent of a child, because of lack of money, couldn't afford to feed their child? In my mothers eyes it was lack of love. "If a parent loves a child then they wont have the child until they are able to care for it properly. If a parent has a child and cannot care for it and wont find a way to care for it then the parent does not love the child." This thinking is pure guilt. None of my children were planned and, without someone to support me, I had no way to support them. I didn't know how to support myself or my children. It does not mean I don't love them.

My family is riddled with guilt. It is so sad to see. There are to many "I'm sorry" statements and not enough "I love you" statements. Why should we be sorry? We are who we are and we should accept things for the way things are and go from here. There is no "making up for lost time". There is no "do over". We have one life and why do something out of or because of guilt?

Guilt is of the past. Love and joy are in the present. If you see someone with love you will see them for who they are and not what they could or should have been, or even what they could be. Love is in the now.

I would like to say:

Derick, Devin, Dalton, Brian, Kathleen, Tim, Aunt Millie, Greg, Melinda, Beth, Leslie, Aunt Kathy, Linda, Bill, Sara, Tori, Ava, Colin, Braden and Alec (who isn't even born yet) and all the cousins I haven't got a chance to meet or know very well.....

Life is kind of funny. It can be so fragile and short. We never seem to take the time to live in the now. Its always is about "We should have... Remember when... It's a shame that...Someday if...Maybe when..." Today I am throwing all those feelings away. I love my family for who you are, how you are, why you are, today. It doesn't matter if you talk to me or not. I love you, each and every one of you, without guilt, without regret, without a possible future....but today.

look ma no glasses

After 47 years of not knowing what the world looks like in single vision. After 47 years of not having any depth perception I now can see distance. I can see. I see because of the care and concern and understanding of a doctor who knew how bad my eyes were. I have stitches in my eyes. My eyes are blood red and watering. But I can see. The world is a new and interesting place. In 2 days I embark on a new life. A life of sight. Art has been but a mere dream until now. I have new eyes and now a new life in a world of shadow and light as well as color. The wonder of the world that most dont have is now mine for the taking.

new guide?

For the past month I have been inundated with spiders. They seem to be everywhere. I didn't think a thing of it until I went to Florida to visit my brother. My visit was a two fold visit. I needed to see him to reunite as a family, but I also needed to find out more about a business. With the extra time away from the business, we went on a nature walk. I was told to expect to see birds, butterflies, lizards, crabs and spiders. What was so impressive was not just the amount of spiders but the massive size of them. As if they were screaming at me. Anyway, the visit went very well and I didn't want it to end. I came home when the weekend was over and got back into my routine. Sitting in the living room spending time on the laptop as I do daily, more spiders started crawling all over me. I have never been bitten. Doug made mention I might have a new guide. With that notion I looked it up.

Spider totem speaks of weaving the knowledge of the past to the possibilities of the future. Spider also reminds us that we don't have to be tied to what people think of us but to be open for new experiences to become whole.

I don't know about you but the uncanny timing of all these spiders is remarkable. I see myself as an artist/spiritualist. I dress as expected, in long flowing easy clothing reminiscent of the hippies of the sixties. I think of myself as most would think of me, kind of trippy and not always intelligent when it comes to things like math. During the business meetings I found myself grasping things that most (including me) would think I would struggle with. I went shopping in the elite shopping spots and loved it, which is also against what I am supposed to "stand for". I have a love for nature and a love for urban living. It would seem I am being shown that this is supposed to happen for me. I don't have to fit into a perfect box set out for the hippie artist. I have so many things I love and put aside because it is not "expected" of me. I still don't like diamonds. And roses just to have them in a vase is a waste, but I do love the Gothic youth, heavy make up, dyed black hair, short skirts and torn up T-shirts. I do love the flowing dresses and big bulky semi precious stone jewelry too. These things are just my personality trying to get out and make itself known. They represent the very essence of me. I am extreme in my tastes and don't much care for anything that makes a bland statement. THAT is who I am, not hippie, not goth, not simpleton, not occultist. I am a tarty smarty who is learning to stand loud and proud. I am orange not beige, I am the red door on a log home.

I smell a shift coming and I'm sure some people from my past are not going to like it. I am growing, I have to grow, I cannot stand stagnant and let life pass me by. People tend not to like the unfamiliar. When I notice something needs to change I don't do it slowly for others to keep up. I do it quickly for me because I don't like spending time in a rut if I know the rut is there. Spider has reminded me that what people have thought of me in the past is not who I am and to stop allowing a memory to dictate who I will become. I can be an artist/business person with a mind of my own willing to adapt to the thoughts of the future and still stay true to my spiritual practice. I doubt it is going to be easy, but what is good that ever came easy?

Springfest 2011

Wow what a time I had. my heart was warmed by Beth Patterson and Selena Fox. The energy combined couldnt have been better paired.

Dancing the May Pole to bring in the warmth of spring and burning of the boogie to say goodbye to winter was a thrill.

I learned a lot in my visit and I am excited to consider the idea of starting my own tradition. I was told I need to do that. There will be more posts in the future. Between starting school in a couple of weeks and now this. I am going to be very busy. I am so energized for it all, thanks to the folks and teachings out at the nest!

Light And Dark

In a world so conflicted with the thought of right and wrong, good and bad and high and low Magic has been mislabeled. It would seem that those who practice spirit control and necromancy are bad witches and of the dark side. Those of us who practice herbal medicine, healing, and protection are of the light or white magic types.

I have a big problem with this thinking. How on earth can you know how to control a spirit unless you have first spoken with it and gotten to know how it can be controlled? How is it that someone would know how to protect against the "dark" magic unless they know how to use it themselves?

People think that the study of a certain kind of magic is all that is needed. They are wrong. Magic is magic, The study of magic includes ALL of the practices. This is why people who do not practice it fear those who do. But it is the same in all walks of life. A lawyer can prosecute you just as easily as they can defend you. A doctor knows how to kill you just as he knows how to save you. They know how to do both right? Magic is the same way. It is not the type of magic but the type of person that dictates style of the magic. There are those who practice for the betterment of people and in the interest in balancing against those who are in it for selfish reasons.

If you have to ask "are you a good witch or a bad witch?" you might as well ask them the nature of their very being. Are you a selfish person only looking out for the things you want? In which case, who would want to be around them no matter their practice or religious beliefs?

Pagans need to stop all the pointing of fingers and realize that people are people and we dont need to punish a practice with a less than desirable name just because they dont agree with the practitioner. If you dont like a practitioner name the person not the practice.

Mothers Day Again

I sit here hoping for a call from one of my children on this day. I don't get a call for my birthday either. But I hope one day it will come.

I love my kids even if they don't remember, even if they don't want to talk to me. I love my kids so much I had to make a sacrifice. They needed a home and food. I couldn't provide that for them. I wanted to more than anything in the world. I didn't know how. Yes they can blame me for that I suppose. I suppose I should have known how to provide for them before I had them. I didn't know, and for that I am sorry. I did my best with what I had. The problem is I didn't have much. I am sorry I didn't have the knowledge to provide for my children. It doesn't mean I love them any less. Not having them live with me is the most difficult, heart breaking, mind splitting, almost impossible thing I have ever had to go through.

Being a mother is the hardest thing in the world to be. We see our children hurt and we have to teach them that this is a part of life even if we think it shouldn't have to be this way. We see our children march off to war knowing that if they come back alive they will never be the same. We see our children raise their children knowing the possibility of what happened to me could happen to them. As mothers we stand in hope, we stand in peace we stand to teach. we stand for love, however difficult it might be.

so I sit here waiting for a call, hoping... hoping...hoping

You make me.....

I really have a hard time breaking the habit in saying "you make me..." So many times in a day someone will do something that I react to.

I have come to the conclusion that my feelings are my choice. I can be angry about something and I can be happy about something but nobody "makes" me be anything. I have free will. I dont have a mental illness in which I have no control over my actions and reactions. I have to take responsibility about how I feel.
There are some things that will invoke anger in almost anyone. Injustice and harm to others are the two things that come to mind. But being angry and how I react is on me not on the perpetrator.

This week Osama Bin Laden was murdered as he was holding his youngest wife as a human shield. Half of the world has been hunting him like a dog after a rabbit. When I first heard the news I was relieved. My children are soldiers and I worry daily for their safety. Then after about an hour I watched the news in horror. Thousands of people celebrating a murder. I understand the relief, but cheering over such a thing brought tears flowing. Was Osama correct in saying we are a barbaric people?

I found myself at a loss for words and not understanding my emotions. Nobody made me feel anything. I was experiencing a feeling all of my own. I felt out of place in the land I live and yet somehow felt responsible. After all, I am a military brat, married a military man and bore two military children. I am a product of my country. I cant help but think how Osama felt. He too was a product of his land, his military, his faith. Are we do different?

Again I find myself looking to my emotions and finding myself responsible. I will not cheer, I will not celebrate. I cannot be "happy" about a murder. I understand it, dont get me wrong. For me it is like seeing the biggest, oldest bear in the forest gone rabid. He is strong, wise, and king where he lives. He is sick and will go rouge. He will destroy and sicken more bears if he isnt killed. He has had a long life that was successful and now its at an end.

For that I feel relieved its over and sad it had to be done... That is on me.

Easter Sunday

It is a glorious day today. Happy Easter to all my Christian friends and family.

As I sit in my studio surrounded by windows I hear the birds singing wildly. It is as if someone woke them with the best news of the century or something. I know that animals don't view the world as we people do, but what if they could? What if the birds were allowing us to notice them making such a fuss today. What if they are screaming at people to pay attention to nature and not religious ritual? Enjoy what we have, whether it has been created for us or in spite of us or just evolved from a speck of dust. It would seem nature is trying to teach us how to be at one with our surroundings.

I have found that the people of the world who pay attention to nature are generally less ego filled and more humble. People who live in this world and not on it tend to be more gentle and kind because they understand how it functions quite a bit better than those who don't. It is not saying that any religion is right or wrong but rather an announcement that perhaps we need to look at how we go about living life in general.

Nature is a lifestyle that we can all share and have in common. Can we please start to do so before its to late. To late for nature, to late for each other, to late before our words get in the way. Celebrate!

Spider

for the past 5 days I have had spiders running across my body. There has to be a nest somewhere near my sofa that has hatched and the younglings are running amok. That being said, its the first time I have had to deal with spiders. Spiders dont normally visit me. So I look to my peers and elders for help in knowing what the spider stands for in life.

The spider in some cultures is said to represent the grandmother. My grandmother? I wonder. Spider also weaves the tender home it lives in and creates a place only family is welcome. This I can believe! With everything that has happened in the past month or so I can see why spider is so obvious to me.

In other cultures the spider represents creativity and architecture. Creative building. This also is very interesting at this time in my life. Business and school moving full speed ahead I am going to need all the help I can get.

In some thoughts it stands for entrapment. This concerns me as I am a bit gullible in my actions and hope that my endeavors aren't for not.

I personally like the thoughts of the spider that say, spider represents the knowledge of the past is to connect with the possibilities of the future. Ever weaving a clever path to intertwine to create a full life.

What a guide to visit me now. I admit I kill the spiders in my house but I am ever grateful for their reminder to me that I am not forgotten and I have a future.

Dealing With Health

According to the physical I have just had I seem to be riddled with stress. I found this to be unreasonable because what do I have to be stressed over? I dont work, I have a very stable marriage, I sit at home and dont do much at all. Sure I work in my spiritual practice but that for me is mostly everyday living. Then it dawned on me. Whats wrong with this picture? I am in control of nothing. Absolutely nothing. Sure I would be taken care of in the event of some horrible accident and I lost my husband, but what would I do with myself? What do I do now? EEEK! the thought is frightening. Im living on the edge of a very uncertain cliff. One wrong step or a small earthquake and Im done for. Back to the streets I would be. GOSH that is stressful.

I dont do well in business situations which is why I havent gone back to work. Im going to school to become an artist but who knows where thats going to lead me. Im stressed about the unknown. In my heart I live by "what ever will be will be" but in my head its panic city. I am going out on a business adventure and I dont know where its going to land me, but I am going to give it my best shot. I will need so much support and encouragement to beat back the negative thoughts that I have had pounded into my head for years. I have to be able to support myself in order to be free from stress. I have never been able to support myself so this is huge. Really huge.

so for now I am setting some spiritual stuff aside and getting up on my feet. There has to be balance or I am no good to anyone. Now that I know Im out of balance I must work to correct it.

blessings to you all
LAdy Raven

PS Im not going to stop my blog, there will just be more of my journey in it as well as any spiritual work I do.

How many of you have had things said to you during the day that either have meaning or you could use for a daily meditation?

My brother said something kinda cute and very out of character for him today.

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift which is why they call it the present"


When he 1st said it I thought how fluffy coming from a total science geek. But then I pondered a bit at what he was trying to say. What a wonderful outlook about life. Why shouldnt I be happy because I have today? Why shouldnt I consider the day as a gift for me to enjoy and celebrate?


Talking with my brother can be a semantic challenge of verbal wit and intelligence. He is such a powerful personality it can be hard to communicate sometimes. One wrong word put in the wrong place and the entire conversation changes to the reason for using the word and why it needs to be corrected LOL. Today he made me laugh and giggle just a bit with a simple saying that each day is a gift for me to enjoy.


For me I got 2 gifts today... I got the day itself, and I got to see a very soft and happy side of my brother. I hope I can show him what a joy it is to see and know that side of him.

A Restless Night

Raven fighting a snow storm in Lesotho, Africa by N. Chrystine Olson



I couldn't sleep last night so I decided to do a little trance work. In my quest for total relaxation I found myself in a breathtaking scene of nothing but tree tops and clouds. I became Raven. Gliding in and out of the wind paths, up and down side to side. I became aware of how far and how fast I was traveling. So I asked why I was being shown such a tremendous thing. Only a simple answer, spoken clear but soft much like the wind. "That is life."

As I soared farther and farther away, I became comfortable. In and out, back and forth between wind and no wind. The ease of flight was amazing. Only when I said I understood the lesson was I able to return home. Finding my way back home became a task. It wasn't the same flight back as it was flying away. Everything seemed to be different and more difficult to navigate. It was such a struggle and I became frustrated with my inability.

After some time, I landed home, exhausted and happy to be on the ground. I looked for anything familiar to me but it had all changed. It was home but it was different.

When I opened my eyes I had realized that the flight I just took represented my life. It took no effort to fly from home, catch a wave of excitement and energy and just fly with it. The flight home was more difficult, frightening, and tiring.

I realize now that I must work hard to have a family that is so easy to love. Wandering away for excitement isn't a bad thing as long as I tell them what I am doing so they can leave a trail for me to find my way back. Much of my family could have learned from my successes and failures if I had only stayed in sight.

For that I have to apologize.

I can't say that this old bird isn't going to fly again but I can guarantee that I will never take off without a scheduled landing, and someone to pick me up at the airport (so to speak)

Diary of Abuse

The patterns of abuse are documented everywhere by both professionals and by those who have lived through it. I have yet to see a person say how it has affected them as an adult as it is happening. I am going to give it a try today so others can know what goes through an abused persons mind when you talk to them.



When I was little I was forced to eat at a speed with the other family members even if I wanted to eat slower. Food was forced on me. I was forced to sleep when I wasnt tired. Sleep was forced on me. Now some of you might ask how. How did one person force another person to do what they didnt want to do. By inflicting guilt, humiliation, shame and pain onto the victim... thats how. Everything I did that wasnt exactly how I was supposed to do it I was inflicted with one form or another of abuse. I became withdrawn and fearful. I wanted to be loved and accepted and when I reached out to get it I was abused again. Once, when I threatened to call the authorities I was spanked literally until I couldnt sit down. There was no out for me. I believed I was a worthless piece of crap. I wasnt worthy to be alive. My 1st attempt at suicide was when I was 11. I even failed at that. I thought nobody loved me and thats why I was being yelled at and spanked all the time. I thought it was for my own good so somebody someday would love me.

When I got into high school I was hell on wheels. I so desperately needed to be loved I would have done anything to get it. I took the beatings and the insults and the shame and guilt. I fought with every ounce of fiber in my being. In the end I lost. I ended up selecting abusive people who inflicted even more pain on my body.

When I married and had children of my own I had no help and needed it. I turned to the only person who was ever around for me. My abuser. I learned to be a parent in the same way. I was over baring, strict, insulting, and I spanked my kids more than I should have and my husband was even worse. It was all I knew.

After those people were out of my life I was able to re-evaluate my life and how I wanted to be treated. I worked hard to not make the same mistakes again. I refuse to be abused by the people I choose to be with me...... or so I thought

I thought i had it under control until a few days ago. The effects are still with me. When I feel I am being attacked, I quickly act with the wrath I have yet to see matched. When someone I love disagrees with me, I cower in hopes that if I cower enough I will still be loved at the end of the conversation. I dont know how to stand up for myself in a way that isnt abusive to others. I dont wish to be like my abusers so I remain the abused.

As I sit here writing this, all the words you see are just words explaining truth from my mind. As I proof read this, all I hear over and over and over again is~

coward, stupid, cant do anything right?, your'e not thinking do it again, you dont know your head from your ass, you never look before you leap, you better marry someone rich to take care of you because you sure as hell cant take care of yourself., why cant you do anything right?,you are such a calamity jane, you just need to try harder, why cant you be more like your brother?, you will never amount to a hill of beans, shut your damn mouth, stop your crying or I will give you something to cry about, damn kids!, sorry sack of sea horse shit, theres nothing wrong with you that a good ass beating cant fix,

This is what abuse does. it replaces what you know should be right and reasons what it wrong to be correct information.
Am I a coward? yes I am. I should have made that call when I was 11 and gone to a foster home unable to sit from my spanking.
Am I stupid? well, yes. Who would allow such things to continue even after adulthood?
Can I do anything right? not really, at least not by the standards that have been set out for me to achieve.
Im not thinking do it again... well duh! over and over and over I repeat the same thing.. so I do it again, still not thinking.
not knowing my head from my ass is right up there with stupid
I did marry someone who can take care of me because yeah, I failed at taking care of myself
I cant do anything right because everything is wrong
yes Im a calamity jane, I seem to always injure myself somehow
yes I know I need to try harder, I know Im failing, its what I do
why cant I be like my bro? I dont know I wish I could, at least they get it 1/2 right
no I wont amount to a hill of nothing because I fail
yes I was a pain in the ass kid, I know it. I was impossible.
yes Im sorry, Im so sorry Im sorry i was born and ruined everyone's lives
maybe if I get one more beating it will straighten me up

can you see the reasoning and how the mind bends under abuse?

When someone tells me Im not ok as I am the way I am and I should change something about myself, I have to fight the abuse words ingrained in me. Its a war all the time. I cry often because of what I was taught to believe about myself. I am not a computer I cannot press delete or escape to erase what my mind remembers. I wish I could.
This is how the abused mind thinks. It thinks it cant, or shouldnt, or doesnt know how. It doesnt process information the same way as others do. The abused mind will take a positive and make it a negative because it doesnt have the right information to make it a good thing.
The abused mind has to start over and rework everything, relive everything, reprocess everything and hope that the new information sticks. It is hard hard work. Every step taken is a step on glass shards. Each glass shard can cut and cause a retreat back to heal and start over.
Unless you have been abused, there is no way you can understand it. It is not logical. It is self destructive and its amazing how many of us there are.

A Song For Momma

I gotta get on outta here
You gotta let this rambler run
I need to find my fantasy
Where livin' life is fun

I dont know where Im goin'
I can't stay here today
Im looking for tomorrow
And forgettin' yesterday

I started life by doin' things
I ought'na should'a done
Never thinkin' what'd happen
In case things ever went wrong

No matter how things ended
Another beginnin's not far away
I just put my mind to wanderin'
And hit that old highway

I gotta get on outta here
You gotta let this rambler run
I need to find my fantasy
Where livin' life is fun

I dont know where Im goin'
I can't stay here today
I'm looking for tomorrow
And forgettin' yesterday

I've lived my life a wanderin'
Never hung my hat for long
Always sayin' that someday
My prince charmin' will come

I can't sit and think about it
No time for lookin' back
On more mistakes that I've made
Now its time to hit the tracks.

I gotta get on outta here
You gotta let this rambler run
I need to find my fantasy
Where livin' life is fun

I don't know where I'm goin'
I can't stay here today
I'm lookin' for tomorrow
And forgettin' yesterday

You'll never know the heart ache
Of life out on the road
If you've got love and family
Ya better stick close to home

Was momma's last words to me
As I looked her in the eye
She pointed at the sunrise
And said its time to say good'bye

She gotta get on outta here
I gotta let this rambler run
She needs to find her fantasy
Where livin' life is fun

I don't know where shes goin'
But she can't stay here today
She's lookin' for tomorrow
And forgettin' yesterday

she said~

I gotta get on outta here
You gotta let this rambler run
I need to find my fantasy
Where livin' life is fun

I don't know where Im goin'
I can't stay here today
I'm lookin' for tomorrow
And forgettin' yesterday

a healing in New York

items required:

sea salt
tin foil
white candle
rain water
lavender incense
cast iron frying pan

light the incense, ball up the piece of tin foil put the rain water and salt into a cast iron frying pan. boil the now salt water away take the hot pan from the flames and unravel the tinfoil and place flat into the pan while hot. set the white candle on the foil and light.


to heal the bones and joints that suffer
heat of purity no longer water
straighten all that lies deformed
to make his body broken no more

allow this child to run and play
and make his life full everyday
this healing will cure more than a boy
a family made whole will exist with joy


Allow candle to burn until it expires itself.




Bless you Lisa and your family!
With Love
LAdy Raven

wow, just wow

You know? when ever I do the work I do I pour my heart and soul into it. I know I mean well with what i do and I work with specific ideas of what needs to be done.

I have done some pretty interesting things but I swear every time someone is healed I am in awe of the energy. Im not saying I doubt myself and my thoughts and spell/ritual work... I am in awe of the power that I have learned to use.

A friend of mine has a son who was born with a deformity, stalled out on his growth and put the possible correction of his deformity at risk. As a friend, I listened to the plight of a mother at her wits end. She had been drained of all her finances and reaching the end of a medical journey that held little hope.

I offered some help doing what I do. This was about a year ago. I was just informed that the child had his check up and it looks like everything has miraculously mostly resolved. On top of that, the surgeon told the mom that they were putting her son on the study so all the bills will be deferred. Its wonderful news.
I am so happy for her I could cry.

punishment for the guilty

I belong to a popular social site and someone posted a link about pedophiles being caught all around the world. Most of the comments were about torturing these indecent people for their misdeeds. I must admit, it does sound like the right thing to do after so many children have suffered so much. But then I think on how I really feel. I stand alone on this topic I am sure.

I have been tortured, held captive against my will, and sexually abused by a sadist. I wished him death. My ex has done vile things and I wished him death also. People who know me have wanted to follow through with those wishes. I personally cant live with the idea that I would take a life or be the cause of taking a life. That's not to say I wouldn't kill someone if I absolutely had to, but revenge just isn't in me.

I have pulled myself up from the depths of hell to live a life I can be proud of. Living my life to the fullest is better than the death penalty for my attackers. Being public about what I have lived through and proving that I am not as messed up as they wanted me to be and gives me far more delight! Frankly all I have to say is HA! ya mofos! look at us now. One of them is in jail and the other is suffering from a form of Alzheimer disease and is partially crippled. I am starting school and maybe a career. I have friends and family. who got the better end of the deal here eh?

I know that not all people are like me and can't pull themselves through what has been done to them. I had a friend in Alabama who committed suicide because he couldn't recover from his mental instability caused by sexual abuse. In which case I believe the courts should hold his abuser accountable for what has happened. To me it is a negligent manslaughter charge if ever I saw one. The courts don't see it that way though. Life for life is what it should be.

I don't know what causes adults to offend children the way they do. I don't know why there are so many adults who do it. What I do know is that given the right circumstances, a child can recover and when that happens I say "Karma is a bitch, and she ain't sleeping!"

Time to tell

As I have promised, I will now tell what I was doing with the high magic. I was binding a conjured spirit and its conjurer. Some vengeful girl playing with things she shouldn't be playing with met her match messing with me and mine. I normally dont play hard ball as it can really drain me of so much energy. This time I was given no choice.
There is nothing worse than someone evil and in control. It took all this long time to rid both the spirit and the person from its position against my loved ones. The result is as expected and I am pleased. My guard is still up and I will be watching very carefully. I am not above harming but only as an absolute last resort. I hope it doesnt come to that.

only time can tell....

thank you for all the support
LAdy Raven

Best Birthday Ever

You know? There is something to be said for reunions. In the past 4 months I have talked with all the cousins, my twin, and yesterday I talked with my older brother who I havent talked to since 1995.

I had been looking for a part of my soul for so long that I gave up on getting it back. I stopped looking. Last night my brother calls me and gave it back with a smile and such gentleness. Its like he was keeping it safe for me. I never in a million years would have thought he had it. Even as I talked to him I didnt know. Only after I hung up the phone did the rush come. I cried for hours. I wanted to laugh but I just cried and cried and cried. It is such a release.

I dont know if he knows the gift he has given me. I suppose it isnt important he knows. What is important he knows now is how much I have always loved him. He was the only one who made me feel like I could do something with myself other than marry a man and have babies. I never thought of him like a dad but if I had a dad I would want him to be like my brother.

Another gift he has given me is a new perspective on my life. How to view it. I have always been such a pessimist. Its the training I got as a child, no blame, just fact. I have a new way to see things. I am going to take it and run with it as far as I can. I havent ever been this happy....ever!

Thank you to my family who loves me as I am, and sees me in a way I have only dreamed of seeing myself... and then handing me a mirror

THE RITE

This is a film on two points of view concerning the single controversial topic of demon possession. What is interesting is how the movie depicts probable real life doubt within the church itself, and how doubt plays a role in religious beliefs as well as how it is handled.

For me it doesn't matter if you are Catholic or Pagan or Atheist. If there is doubt, there is weakness in what is supposed to be solid opinion and your beliefs can be shaken. The only way to strengthen your beliefs is to face them head on. Prove to yourself that what you know is fact and create a foundation you can firmly stand on.

This movie is good on so many levels. It is not the kind of movie that will give you nightmares or even make you jump. It will however, make you think long and hard about your beliefs and the beliefs of others and why those beliefs exist.

catch up

In the past month I have been in 2 car accidents, one of which has messed me up pretty bad. I am dizzy all the time and fighting major depression. I have to laugh. I am so tired of wanting to cry. I have been trying to sew altar cloths. so far so good. It gives me a creative outlet.

Sorry I have been gone so long

I have been struggling to get my account back and finally have managed to get it back. YAY now I can start blogging again.

Again sorry for the disruption I will try better to keep track of things.


blessings!

LAdy Raven